Heroes of Kalos Abridged
by Zokolov
Summary: Fashionista and pyromaniac Serena is just like most young people of her age, her interests consisting of Pokémon, shopping and becoming the immortal ruler of Kalos. But to do that, she needs a loyal group of flunkies and must stay out of the International Police's reach. Based on a true story.
1. Kalos! Adventures in World Domination!

"_Bonjour, mes amis_, and _bienvenue_ to the world of Pokémon! I am Professor Augustine Sycamore, though you may know me as Professor Hunky McGorgeous – just ask your mom. Stop me if you have heard this story: you see, once upon a time, great misery fell upon the glorious land of Kalos. It took a band of righteous heroes to set us free from the grips of a megalomaniac tyrant."

"Well, THAT has nothing to do with _this_ story. Instead, it is the story of a person who struck fear in the hearts of people on two different continents, a tale of a feared pyromaniac who felt only blood lust and hatred for her enemies, all of whom fell or fled at the sight of her unholy visage."

"Hold on to your berets, folks, as we begin the first chapter of the story of... _Serena_!"

**Chapter One: _Kalos! Adventures In World Domination Begin!_**

"_Serena's journal:_

_Currently sitting in a car en route to Vaniville Town. Left Anville Town for good and thank the almighty Arceus for that. Another minute in the sticks where the prime fashion consists of overalls with banjo accessories and I would have had Rhyhorn mush someone's face in._

_Thanks to the information I have on Kalos, I have completed my checklist of things to do once I've settled in:_

_1) Buy new hat (if the store sells fedoras, make sure to bring the napalm)._

_2) Capture new Pokémon, preferably a Fairy-type and go to the next competitive tournament they have to feed on delicious nerd tears as their maxed-out EV dragons become useless._

_3) Become immortal._

_4) Take over the region and rule it with an iron hand until I'm bored with it. I'm thinking of giving it a millennium or so – keep the population happy by feeding them the rebelling ones. _

_5) Find a nice café to relax in, maybe taste that Kalos bread I've heard so much about."_

_**Later that day, in Vaniville Town, southern Kalos...**_

"...and I swear, that Pikachu I saw made the weirdest noise! Like, it didn't sound right at all, it's like it was that mutant breed from Kanto or something!"

"Yeah, whatever, Shaunee!"

Shauna, Tierno and Trevor walked up the stairs to a Calem's bedroom, greeted by the boy himself who hurriedly turned off his computer monitor.

"Oh, hi guys!" he stammered as he zipped up. "Ready for the game night, then?"

"You bet!" Tierno said enthusiastically. "Hope you're ready to get your asses kicked in Brawl! Oh, and I brought Just Dance 2! I can't wait to show you my new moves... Cal, where's your Wii?"

"Sorry, guys," Calem said, "but I sold that old hunk of junk already. I got a shiny new Wii U, though, so this is gonna be the best game night ever!"

"You only have one GamePad, though," Shauna pointed out.

"Pfft, duh! Do you have any idea how much those cost? We need to keep up and move to the next-gen, dudes! It's cool, though, you can watch me play the new Colorless Shooter Game! I'm totally owning those 12-year-olds today!"

"Well, yeah, but we bought those old Wiimotes together," Tierno said.

"Stop living in the past, man!" Calem said. "Trevor, what do you think?"

"..."

"See, Trevs agrees with me! So come on!"

But instead, the friends settled on watching a movie. This one was about a purple-haired girl who could communicate telepathically with Pokémon going on a journey through the Kanto region, with the gang laughing at their odd clothes and limited color palettes.

"Hey, you guys catch the new Unovan girl who moved to that house next door?" Tierno asked the others, who were mostly just staring at the screen with glazed eyes.

"...Unovan..." mumbled Trevor, speaking up for the first time since arriving. "Did she bring her shotgun and grenade launcher here to spread a message of freedom or something?"

As usual, Trevor was ignored.

"Nah, saw her mom and her Rhyhorn earlier, though," Calem said. "Nice piece of tail!"

Everyone stared at Calem.

"The mom!"

"Oh, yeah, her mom has won like several Rhyhorn racing championships!" Shauna said, excited as always. "Ooh, and I forgot to tell you this Calem, but on my vacation in Unova last week, I met the girl! I even persuaded her to move here! She was really nice."

"We're in the middle of nowhere, Shaunee," Calem said. "How'd you manage the daughter of a Rhyhorn-racing champion who's probably swimming in money to move all her stuff to this dump?"

"...you shall not speak ill of the home of my ancestors, you worthless maggot..."

"What's that, Trev?"

"...nothing, just curious about this new girl, too."

"Well, my parents _insisted_ on taking the train from Nimbasa City to Anville Town," Shauna reminisced. "I kinda wandered off and got lost and ended up on some farm where this guy with a shotgun started chasing me... but the girl was able to fix the situation. I'll remember that day forever..."

"Well, tell us!" Tierno encouraged. "Don't leave out any details, not even specific parts of a conversation!"

"Yay!" Shauna cheered, with everyone focusing on her. "After that, she took me to the best restaurant in town..."

_**A week earlier, Anville Town, Unova**_

"This is really kind of you," Shauna told her savior. "And thanks for the food. I think I can keep _most _of that down. What's your name again?"

"Serena," the girl said with a smirk. "I'm sure you're used to better food in Kalos, so this is the least I can do. And don't worry about that farmer. We'll see how he chases tourists down in the future with no legs..."

"What?"

"Nothing," Serena said quickly. "Just remember, I own your soul now. Don't worry, I take good care of them. Kind of a hobby of mine."

Shauna stared at her for a while, then started giggling.

"Oh, you're _so_ funny!" she squeed. "And I love that skirt! And that hat! You dress like a supermodel from Lumiose!"

"Yeah, my mom had some clothes sent to me from there, actually," Serena bragged. "Can you believe there's literally no place to buy clothes in this ass-end of the region? Well, except the weekly swap meet, but given the average Unovan hygiene level..."

"Oh, you should totally visit Kalos!" Shauna said suddenly. "If you don't like it here, maybe you should move there! There's always room in my hometown, Vaniville! Oh, it would be super awesome to have a girl as a friend! I mean, I love Cal, Tierno and Trevs and all, but they're all really weird. Well Tierno is okay, I guess, except all he talks about is dancing and it gets really old. Oh, and Trevs knows the local professor personally, and he's gonna give us Pokémon and we're gonna go on a quest and stuff and maybe find out about Unova's famous legendary Pokémon!"

Serena, who had zoned out for most of Shauna's babbling, tuned in again and started rubbing her chin in interest.

"...go on," she said. "What Pokémon is this?"

"Well, we just call it the 'legendary Pokémon'", Shauna said quickly. "I don't think even Sycamore knows what it's called. But they say it has even more power than the mythical Gods of Sinnoh they talked about in those boring mythology classes in school - it can even make a person immortal!"

Serena suddenly reached over the table, grabbed Shauna by her shirt and pulled her closer.

"Where is this Vaniville Town?" she whispered. "No, better yet, come with me to meet my mom, and point it out on the map for me. She's been looking for a good place to move to and, uh, your town sounds really nice!"

"Oh, um... sure!" Shauna said nervously as Serena let her go. "Wait... does this mean we can become besties?"

"It sure does. You're gonna be my number one flunky. Uh, that's Unova slang for 'BFF'."

"Yay!"

**~o~O~o~**

"...she told me her mom retired from Rhyhorn racing a few years back," Shauna completed her story. "She used to be really rich, but she's also spent most of her money and there was also this really messy divorce case. So we told her that Pokémon racing is still a thing here in Kalos and that she can make a comeback here!"

"Uh huh, okay," Calem said. "But tell me this... would you say this Serena is hot?"

"Huh?"

"Come on, Shaunee, be a bro in this!"

"...I'm a girl, Cal."

"Yeah, I know, be a girl bro in this! I mean, tomorrow's the day we get our Pokémon, right?"

"Yeah, me and Trevs are gonna wake up bright and early and go visit Sycamore!" Tierno announced and slapped Trevor on the shoulder, causing him to wince.

"Well, we won't be much of an adventurer group without a fifth member, right?" Calem asked. "And this girl is the same age as us, isn't she? I say we take her along!"

"I already asked her," Shauna said, "but great idea, anyway! I think I'll go visit her in the morning."

"Yeah, we _should_ go do that!" Calem said.

"Uh, I mostly meant myself..."

"We're _so_ going there! And we'll make Serena a member of our gang, right Trevs?"

"...well, I-"

"See, Trevs agrees with me!"

_**The next morning, Serena's house**_

Though it was well past ten, Serena was still fast asleep in her wide, comfy bed, exhausted after the moving. She dreamed innocent young adult dreams about the bright future ahead of her, including people groveling at her feet, worshiping her like the queen of all creation that she was.

"...bow down to me..." she muttered in her sleep.

But she was torn cruelly back to reality as her mother's Fletchling flew upstairs and woke her up with its hemorrhage-inducingly loud singing. Serena reacted by grouchily picking up her alarm clock and throwing it at the Fletchling, stunning it briefly.

"Oh no, reality," Serena groaned sleepily. "Damn it, Fletchling, I thought you already got your last warning! This is Kalos, the land of it being okay to sleep in!"

Nonetheless, Serena got up, brushed her hair and changed out of her pajamas, looking outside as she admired the great fall weather, the trees dropping leaves of many beautiful colors on Vaniville Town square, where Serena envisioned the giant statue of her would be.

"_Serena's journal:_

_Today's the day I begin my quest for glory. I'm honestly glad I'm in civilization at last. Not that this town feels significantly different from Anville. At least there's less gawking trainspotters and people actually dress like human beings, but I still can't wait to see Lumiose. I wonder if mom went to the store yet... I could use a croissant. _

_Anyway, my henchman Shauna called me yesterday and said she wanted to introduce me to her friends. Just like that, my army will grow from one to four, and once I get my Pokémon, it'll grow immensely. Wonder what kinds live here, though, apart from that annoying Fletchling. Shauna told me about a Pokémon that was basically a key chain, but I'm pretty sure she was just being herself, 'cause that has to be bullsh-_"

"It's over ten in the morning, honey!" yelled a voice from downstairs. "And there's some people waiting for you outside!"

"Thanks, mom!" Serena yelled back.

_Oh yes... this region won't even know what hit it._

About an hour later, Serena and her mom finished their breakfast, deciding to let Shauna and her friend wait outside.

Serena's mom, Grace, burped loudly as she cleared the dishes. "Thanks for making breakfast, Melody-"

"Serena."

"Oh, right, Serena. Thanks for making breakfast, I haven't had time to go out and buy food yet. By the way, have you seen Fletchling? It was supposed to go to your room and make sure you don't laze in your bed all morning."

Serena burped too and rubbed her belly contentedly. "Something in my gut tells me we won't be seeing that annoying bird for a while. Anyway, once you get food, remember to pick up some croissants, and don't get any Unovan junk so we can 'feel at home'. Our cholesterol is high enough as it is."

"Of course, honey," Grace said absently as she turned on the TV and collapsed on the couch. "Now, go out and play with your friends now!"

"I'm 17, mom," Serena reminded.

"What's that?"

"Uh, nothing... bye!"

"Bye, Sally!"

Her hand on the doorknob, Serena turned to look at her mom, wondering how long it would be until she saw her again.

"Later, mom," she muttered. "When I'm the ruler of Kalos, you can have any city you want... except Lumiose."

As Serena stepped outside, ignoring the Rhyhorn sleeping on her front yard, she was instantly greeted by Shauna and a tall guy with dark hair wearing a blue jacket. Something about him seemed familiar – and irritating.

"Morning, Serena!" Shauna chirped in a voice that instantly reminded Serena of the Fletchling. "This is-"

"Mornin', there, neighbor!" Calem interrupted as he stepped in front of Shauna. "Welcome to Vaniville, and from what I've heard, welcome to Kalos. And wow, you're looking good today. My name is Calem, I live next door – hence, the 'neighbor'-"

"I got it," Serena deadpanned.

"-and this is Shauna, good _friend_ of mine," he continued. "_Friend_ of mine."

"She knows my name, Cal-"

"You know," Calem prattled on, "it's customary in Kalos to give a kiss as a greeting."

"Yeah, we do that in Unova, too, sort of," Serena said. "Only instead our lips, we use our elbows, knives, and occasionally grenade launchers. I'm tempted to and get mine from upstairs."

Calem wasn't sure how to respond, so Shauna piped in:

"Actually, we should head to Aquacorde Town. Tierno and Trevor are probably back by now and they have Pokémon for us."

So Serena, Shauna and Calem headed to the next town over, Serena wondering about the Pokémon she would pick, ignoring pretty much every question Shauna and Calem asked her, though both were too wrapped up in their own babbling to notice.

In Aquacorde Town, the trio met up with Tierno and Trevor in a café. Shauna was about to introduce them to Serena, but Calem got there first, telling about Tierno's skills on the dance floor and Trevor being a shy top student. Serena greeted them, evaluating them for slave potential – she would see how they'd handle their Pokémon. The position for her top flunky was already taken, though.

"Nice to meetcha!" Tierno said cheerfully. "Since we're all such good friends, we've given each other nicknames. You know, like Shaunee, Cal or Trevs. Being assigned a nickname is an ultimate act of friendship, I think."

"So what do they call you?" Serena asked.

"Just... just Tierno."

"Oh."

"Well, anyway," Tierno continued hastily. "_Serena, _Ser... how about 'Lady S'."

_Ahh, so this guy gets it_.

"What! No way?!" Shauna exclaimed dramatically, slamming her hands on the table for no adequate reason. "She's a Lil' S for sure!"

_Shauna, you have to do better than that if you want a place by my side as we crush this region under my stylish boot!_

"Maybe something else," Tierno muttered. "What's your second name?"

"Diane."

"All right!" Shauna said. "So I shall call you Lil' D!"

Calem snorted coffee out of his nose and had to hide his face behind his hat for several minutes, refusing to say why. Shauna clasped her hands over her mouth in realization.

"Serena's fine," Serena grumbled. "Unless you're willing to call me 'Queen of all Creation'."

"Arrogant Unovan," muttered Trevor, Serena hearing him talk for the first time. "Thinking she can just come here and step on my turf. This region shall be under the dominion of Trevor, and those mocked me shall pay!"

"Did you say something, Trevs?" Tierno wondered.

"...no, nothing," Trevor muttered shyly.

_Wait, what?_

"So, anyway," Shauna said obliviously. "Tierno, show us the Pokémon – I want to meet my new partner soon!"

"You got it!" Tierno said and placed a case containing three Poké Balls on the table. "Me and Trevor already got ours and you couldn't believe how surprised we were! I got a rad Corphish, and Trevor got this sweet Flabébe."

"With it I shall crush the Pokémon Champions and laugh as they put all their faith on the might of their Dragonite and Garchomp."

"Yeah, Fairy-types are the coolest!" Serena agreed.

"Well, go on and pick one!" Tierno said, hitting the buttons on all three Poké Balls.

Surprisingly enough, the three Pokémon were grass-, water- and fire-types, all tiny and none of them looking formidable enough to take on the region, much less the world.

The grass-type, Chespin, was cute enough – it was mostly brown, with a tough green shell on its back, covering its ears and the back of its head and extending all the way to its tail.

The water-type, Froakie, also got some 'aww' noises. It was mostly blue, shockingly enough, with big yellow eyes, a white 'cape' of sorts covering its back, making it look like it was covered in foam.

And the fire-type, Fennekin, was... was...

Serena gasped.

_As I gazed at the big-headed Pokémon with yellow fur materialize on the table and yawn, blinking its big red eyes at me innocently, a indescribable feeling hit my heart. A sensation of a thousand different types of adorable filled the very essence of my being as I stared at the tufts of dark orange hair sticking out of its proportionally huge ears, its cute tail waggling so fast it made me want to grip it and squeeze just to feel how incredibly soft and smooth its fur was. The cuteness left me at a loss for words, unable to express the Pokémon's beauty in just mere words._

"THAT THING IS SO F***ING KAWAII!" Serena exclaimed.

"It's what now?" Tierno wondered.

"Oh, I couldn't possibly choose first," Calem said slimily and gazed at Serena. "I want to be cordial today, so ladies first."

"Cool!" Shauna exclaimed. "I'll have, umm..."

"I meant Serena."

"...oh."

"Aren't you putting me at a disadvantage by letting me choose first?" Serena noted.

Calem just stared at Serena, a slight frown on his face.

"Your point being?"

"Ah, screw it!" Serena said, pushed Calem aside and grabbed the Fennekin and its Poké Ball in her arms – its fur _was_ extravagantly soft – and hugged it. "I'll have the Fennekin!"

"Then I'll have Chespin!" Shauna chirped and picked up the grass-type. "We really fit together - the two of us are just way-ay-ay too cute!"

"And I'll have Froakie!" Calem said, tapping the water-type with its Poké Ball, signaling his ownership. "Man, I can't wait to max our your EV's and go kick some kindergartener butt! I bet they'll cry!"

"Well, how about some nicknames then?" Serena suggested and held the Fennekin high in her arms, the Fennekin beaming as Serena scratched it behind its ears. "How about... Mozilla?"

The group gave out a collective groan, except for Shauna, who was too busy playing pattycake with her new Chespin.

"That was terrible," Trevor grumbled.

"Yeah, you know what, the heck with nicknames!" Serena said cheerfully. "Once we've taken over this land, you'll be _the_ Fennekin!"

"So, now what, guys?" Tierno asked, ignoring what Serena just said. "I guess the standard ritual of adulthood? We go out on a journey with no adult supervision, little money and a low-level Pokémon as the only thing between us and wild Pokémon, criminals and weird dudes in the bushes?"

"Sounds awesome!" Calem said, nodding in agreement. "Because no matter who we are or where we come from, we all have a dream, and thanks to the magic of the Pokémon world, we have a good chance to make those dreams come true!"

"Unless your dream is to live in a world _without_ Pokémon," Trevor muttered.

"What's _your_ dream, Trevs?" Calem asked suddenly.

Trevor blushed madly and stammered a bit when faced with a direct question all of a sudden and seemed to shrink several inches as he stared at the ground, replying as quietly as ever:

"To do what Professor Sycamore asked us to do in the first place, not that you cognitively inferior beings would know," Trevor mumbled. "To complete the vessel of all knowledge, the PokéDex, and become the _new _Professor Hunky McGorgeous! And then, the universe will be mine..."

"Sounds good, Trevs!" Calem said and gave him a thumbs up. "I'm sure if you train your Sunkern to the max, you'll achieve that goal in no time."

"Flabébe," Trevor corrected.

"_I_, on the other hand, want to become the world's greatest Pokémon master!" Calem announced and stood up in his chair to make sure everyone, even curious bystanders, would see and hear him. "The names of Champions live on even centuries after their reigns are over: Lance, Steven, Wallace, Cynthia, Alder, Iris, Diantha and that quiet kid from Pallet whose name I can't remember right now! I want my name etched right besides those behemoths and show my awesome power to this region! They won't even know what hit 'em!"

"Come down from there, dumbass, you're making a scene," Serena said flatly.

"Oh, right, sorry."

"I just want..." Tierno caught Serena's eyes. "Um, promise you won't laugh, Serena?"

"No."

"Well, I'll tell you anyway, I guess," Tierno said and took a deep breath. "I... I want to use Pokémon to create the world's greatest dance team!"

Serena didn't laugh or even smile, just looked at a wary Tierno contemplatively, stroking her chin in thought.

"Is there money and power to be made from that?" she asked.

"Huh? Uh, yeah, possibly..."

"And will dancing make your Pokémon stronger, more agile or just otherwise superior?"

"I think so, yeah."

"Then I approve," Serena said.

"I think it's great that you guys have dreams!" Shauna piped in, having exhausted her Chespin already. "And I want to help you achieve them! The way I see it, having this adventure _is_ my dream! I don't care what else happens, as long as we all have fun and make some good memories! What about you, Serena?"

"I told you back in Unova already, but as long as the whole gang of potentially great trainers and Trevor are here, I might as well fill you in..."

Serena cleared her throat.

"Somewhere in this region, is a Pokémon that grants the power of eternal life. With it, I can become the ruler of all creation, but I'll start from Kalos first. If you play your cards right, the four of you can become my loyal subordinates who can help me round up all who oppose me, presenting the inhabitants of Kalos with a simple choice: join me or perish in the flames of the new world we're building!"

But as Serena finished her rant, Calem was too busy fiddling with the PokéDex Trevor had given him, listing out loud about the best move combinations and abilities to use and how anyone who used anything else was clearly doing it wrong, Trevor himself sitting quietly, apparently zoning out. Tierno was practicing a new dance move with his Corphish while Shauna was half-listening and half-playing with her Chespin.

"That sounds great, Ser!" Shauna said. "I know we're about to become best friends."

"...I hate you all."

"Oh, by the way," Tierno said suddenly and took a sealed envelope from his bag, giving it to Serena. "The rest of us have permissions to go, but before we head towards Santalune City, take this to your mom. It's from Professor Sycamore himself."

"It smells like aftershave," Serena complained, but put the letter in her bag, anyway.

"Oh, like the man your man could smell like, it does," Calem observed. "The same brand I'm wearing now, by the way."

"No wonder I felt nauseous through this entire time," Serena remarked.

"Oh, you guys," Tierno laughed, making a heart-shape with his fingers and looking at Serena and Calem through them. "You're like my new OTP!"

"I swear I'll burn you all," Serena said. "But now, I have to go take this letter. Wait for me here."

As Serena pushed Calem away so hard that he and his chair fell on the ground, Serena returned Fennekin to its Poké Ball and started walking back towards Vaniville Town. But before Serena got away, Shauna chased after her, calling her name all the while.

"What is it?!" Serena snapped at her.

"Just one thing before you go!" Shauna said cheerfully. "You're going to be my opponent in my Pokémon battling _début_!"

"...you want to battle," Serena said flatly. "Your Chespin against my Fennekin. For realsies?"

"For real realsies!" Shauna exclaimed. "Please?"

"Well, hey, if you insist..."

Soon enough, the air became thick with the smell of burning leaves, the streets of Aquacorde Town suddenly filled with the rattling of flames, Shauna calling out for her Chespin and Serena's insane laughter.

**~o~O~o~**

_**Location: A plane, en route to the Kalos region**_

A private plane owned by the Unova Pokémon League had departed from the airport at Mistralton City, piloted by gym leader Skyla herself. Most of the passengers were bodyguards and security agents with their Fighting-type Pokémon, the security headed by Looker, the hard-boiled, globe-trotting detective of the International Police in the middle of one of his most serious cases yet. He was sitting with his arms crossed and eyes closed, trying to come up with the best dramatic monologue for his memoirs:

_As we soar across the Unova sky, the smog in air as dark as the depths of my very soul, tainted by what I have seen, and what I have been forced to do. All in the name of justice. But what is justice? A mere word, an abstract concept that changes between times and places. It is right for us humans to trap creatures in capsules and pit them against each other while calling ourselves the upholders of truth, justice and the Unovan way? May I ever again see the beautiful eyes of my wife as my feet touch Kalosian soil? I'm thinking I will, once she sends them in the mail. _

_Don't worry, dear Croagunk. You shall be avenged, as I will find the culprit that terrorized our land and tore your companionship away from me, away from this world and its many sorrows. The culprit, yes, a young woman, possibly Kalosian, must remember to investigate further. I wonder if they sell good croissants in this plane_-

"Damn it!" Looker exclaimed.

"Got sidetracked again?"

"Oh, m-my apologies, ms. Champion! Did I wake you up?"

On the seat across Looker was Iris, the young purple-haired and maroon-eyed Champion of Unova, who was attempting to get adjusted to her humongous, pink, frilly ceremonial dress. As pretty as it was, Iris would never wear it in casual situations, but this was her first true responsibility as the new Champion: she had been asked to visit the Kalos region.

"Take it easy, Looker, it's all right," Iris giggled. "How could I sleep at a time like this, anyway! I can't believe we're going to Kalos! I've heard so much about it! You lived there, right?"

"I'm a man with no roots, ms. Champion," Looker answered in a rough voice. "In the end, a country, a region, it's nothing more than a land of mass to me, arbitrarily defined by the ones who pull the strings of this sad world-"

"You're doing it again," Iris said.

"Sorry, ma'am!" Looker said, his voice suddenly rising a few octaves. "Yeah, I still have family there – I think. But just remember, we're not doing this for fun! It's been years, but we've finally obtained a lead on the greatest criminal Unova has ever faced. The world will not know peace until she has been apprehended and removed from the public for good."

"Okay, well you take care of that!" Iris beamed. "The first thing _I'm_ doing is hitting a restaurant in Lumiose City and eating until I'm on the verge of throwing up!"

"Not that this is my business, but could you take this a bit more seriously, ma'am?"

"I am, trust me," Iris said, not smiling anymore. "But I spent months learning the language, customs, geography and biology of that region, and as fun as it was, I'm not letting that go to waste. Remember, though: this is just a ceremonial visit to ensure co-operation between Unova and Kalos in the future."

"Of course," Looker said hastily. "But... off the record?"

"Off the record," Iris promised.

"That girl," Looker said, squeezing the armrests of his seat and clenching his teeth, "that _Serena... _is going down."

* * *

**_A/N: Hello, dear hypothetical readers, and welcome to 'The Heroes of Kalos Abridged'. As I'm sure this site will be filled with novelizations and different versions of the X and Y games, I figured I'd do a little spoof of the story and fanfiction in general. I promise there won't be any author notes after this - not much anyway. I shall update this along with my other story every once in a while, about once a week, I hope, though my more 'serious' fics take priority. A few things: I don't, in fact, intend to have shipping in this story, as I want to focus on the characters, especially Serena, who's more than meets the eye. As is Calem, even if it may seem I made him an unbearable d-bag in here, it will all make sense late... or not._**

**_Note: Despite occasionally tasteless/stupid humor, this fic will be clean and will adhere to the rating. I don't want to offend people and I'm not really fond of the "let's be as offensive and insulting as we can" type humor, anyway. All I'm interested in is telling a good story and getting some cheap laughs._**

**_This has been a non-profit fan-based parody, please buy lots of Pokémon merchandise._**

**_And enjoy! Feedback is welcome, positive or negative_**


	2. Let It Burn

"Welcome back to Sycamore's Story Corner. Young Serena was in quite a pickle, now wasn't she? But this dream of her will last forever, it will never die and she will rise to meet the challenge every time. The first step of her adventure was to visit my laboratory in Lumiose City and amass a powerful team of Pokémon on the way."

"People often ask me – 'Augustine, why do you send a bunch of children to do your dirty work as you sit in your fancy lab getting pedicures and making your assistants swoon regardless of gender or orientation?' - in those words exactly, mind you. Well, I saw what you have written about my colleague from Kanto, Samuel Oak, and if you think he's a man like that, then you're wrong! WRONG! Anyway, rest assured, I keep close attention to all of my students, so if they're trying to ride a bike indoors, I'll make sure they get what's coming to them, one way or another."

"Another question that often gets asked is, 'Sycamore, how can you _know_ when an unsuspecting teen tries to whip out their bicycle inside a building? Do you use satellite images and an implanted camera in the PokéDex to spy on those poor tykes when they're on their merry journies?'"

"..."

"Anyway, back to Serena's story. In order to strengthen the bond between herself and her Pokémon, Serena's would have to make a stop at the Santalune Gym..."

**Chapter Two: _Let It Burn_**

_**Location: Vaniville Town, Kalos**_

As Serena returned to her house, her mother was watching a strange show called 'KOUKAN TALK', always written in capital letters, no less, where an energetic woman spoke horribly mangled Japanese.

"Hi, honey!" Grace greeted Serena from the couch. "Proteam Omega is on in a moment, you want to watch?"

"I haven't watched it since I was twelve!" Serena protested. "Um, I mean, is that still on...?"

"But I remember you crying over the ending of season twenty-three..."

"Enough!" Serena exclaimed and shoved the letter to her mother. "Here, Professor Sycamore sent you a-"

Grace's face brightened over the professor's name being mentioned as she grabbed the letter from Serena and ripped it open.

"Ooh, Augustine!" Grace said giddily as she started reading. "I wonder if it's a love letter... my, what lovely handwriting..."

"You know the professor?" Serena wondered.

"Of course, dear," Grace replied. "He is your father."

A horrified expression froze on Serena's face. It was as if the world around her shifted in turmoil at this revelation, a sudden feeling of existential nausea overwhelming her being – had everything before been just a lie?

"Just kidding!" Grace giggled. "But I have heard a lot about him – I hope to get to meet him one day. If you're going to Lumiose, say hi to him for... oh, look, he's on TV now!"

Indeed, with _KOUKAN TALK _over, the commercials before Proteam Omega aired. Professor Augustine Sycamore, long, curly brown hair blowing in the wind, rode a Rapidash on a boat, having somehow misplaced his shirt, advertising some product:

"_Look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me_..."

"Oh, he wants you to go on a journey!" Grace said, slapping her cheek dramatically as she finished reading. "We only just moved in and so many exciting things are happening. You've made new friends and got a brand new Pokémon!"

Fennekin had accompanied Serena on the trip back to Vaniville, Serena wanting to show it off to her mom. She also pondered on telling Fennekin to set Calem's house on fire to teach him a lesson, but that would have probably been unfair towards his mom. Upon being noticed, Fennekin jumped on the couch and excitedly nuzzled its cheek against Grace, who patted the cute fire-type on the head, her sudden squeal of joy quite resembling Serena's first meeting with the Fox Pokémon.

Of course, Serena would still be keeping it in the Poké Ball most of the time. Having it outside and walking by her side wherever she went – now that would be downright nutty.

"You don't have any problems with me going away? I might be gone for months," Serena said.

"Not at all, Selina, you go and have fun!" Grace said cheerfully.

Before Serena would correct her couch-ridden mom, something big and bulky smashed into the house, knocking down the front door in the process. It was Grace's Rhyhorn, who whined sadly at the prospect of Serena leaving. It rubbed itself against Serena affectionately – an unfortunate thing considering the Rhyhorn was a 250-pound creature with spiky skin made of solid rock.

"Aww, look, Rhyhorn wants to send you off, too!" Grace said. "Isn't that adorable!"

"M-mom!" Serena yelled as she had to keep the Rhyhorn away before her clothes were shredded. "What about the door?!"

"Oh, these things sort themselves out," Grace said calmly and went back to watching TV.

"Right," Serena grumbled. "But first things first... _Rhyhorn_!"

As soon as Serena used her commanding voice, the Rhyhorn collapsed on the ground, almost breaking through the floor in the process, putting its stubby legs in the air and exposing its neck submissively.

"That's better," Serena said firmly. "Good girl. So, I'll be leaving now, mom."

"Yup."

"For real, this time. Won't be back in a long time."

"Understood."

"Take care of yourself. And Rhyhorn. And Fle-"

Serena glared at what she saw – Grace's Fletchling was sitting on its perch in the corner of the living room like nothing had happened.

"But," Serena stuttered. "How did you... I mean, how could-"

The Fletchling just tilted its head and chirped. Serena narrowed her eyes at it.

"You win this round," she said threateningly.

**~o~O~o~**

_**Location: Santalune Forest, Kalos**_

"_Serena's journal,_

_and thus, the quest for immortality begins. I have decided that throwing wave after wave of my future minions at the opposition would be too much of a hassle, so despite protests from Calem, I have decided to enter __the Pokémon League Gym Badge challenge to make my Pokémon unbeatable. __With the posse at my side, we have entered Santalune Forest, __which, according to the gang, 'keeps the scum from Santalune out of Aquacorde and Vaniville'.__T__here, I proceeded__ to challenge some local trainers, making a record number of kids cry. But i__f they didn't want me and Fennekin to devastate their Pokémon, they shouldn't have become children in the first place, those filthy_-"

"Serena, your pen is smoking again," Shauna warned.

It was a beautiful summer day, gentle light filtering through the thickets of trees around the forest, casting dapples of sunlight all over the place. It was also abundant with wildlife – wherever you looked, a Pokémon was flying or crawling by. Especially bug-type Pokémon.

Serena _hated_ bug-type Pokémon.

"How much more," she grumbled after kicking a Weedle attempting to get too close back into the bushes, "are we going to stay in this Arceus-forsaken forest?!"

"Just a little more," Calem assured. "Trust me, I know where we're going. I could navigate this place in my sleep-"

"You've said that seven times during the past three hours," Trevor grumbled.

"-and besides, this place feels oddly familiar. Did we ever play here when we were kids?"

"No, we played at the countryside near Vaniville," Tierno pointed out. "Remember that time we ran through the Miltank ranches barefoot? Oh, the disgusting years of childhood..."

"Huh," Calem said. "I don't know, but something about this place makes me feel like I've been here before... in a different life, a different era, where the plane of reality only had _two_ dimensions..."

"Have you been licking your Froakie or something?" Serena asked.

"Well, anyway," Calem continued casually, ignoring the question, "now that we have time, I could show you guys how to catch Pokémon!"

"We _know_ how to catch Pokémon, dumbass, you literally can't _not_ succeed in here," Serena hissed. "You can throw a Poké Ball in a random patch of grass and you'll have your very own creature to do your bidding. Hell, _Shauna_ already caught two!"

"Wow, guys, is this my Pokémon?" Shauna wondered as she held the Poké Ball containing her new Bunnelby. "It's not as cute as I expected. It's so tiny..."

"Um, it's inside the ball, Shauna," Tierno pointed out.

"Aww, Ser, you just jelly 'cause you don't have a sweet flying-type Pokémon like this," Calem said smugly and opened one of his Poké Balls, letting out his Fletchling.

The very sight of the little reddish-orange bird Pokémon made Serena cringe. Before she could order Fennekin to snack on Calem's Fletchling, however, she heard rustling in the bushes nearby. Serena jerked her head in its direction so fast that one could practically hear her neck making a crunching sound.

"Enemies!" she yelled. "They found us already!"

Reacting in a split-second, Serena grabbed a lighter and a bottle of hairspray from her bag, using them as an improvised flamethrower.

But the Pokémon turned out to be another Fletchling. Serena felt her hands shaking, her head throbbing, her mind clouded with the memories of this morning.

"You again," Serena whispered to the Fletchling, who just stared at her innocently. "You think you're pretty clever, don't you?"

"Um, Serena, it's a Fletchling," Tierno said. "We're probably surrounded by dozens of similar ones-"

"Stay out of this!" Serena snapped. "You woke me up," she said threateningly, pointing at the Fletchling. "_Nobody_ interrupts my beauty sleep. _No one_ will interfere with the sanctity of sleeping in. I _will_ make you pay for your crimes against humanity, little Fletchling."

"Oh, sweet, a female one," Calem said as he spotted the Fletchling, ignorant of Serena's ranting. "Time to start breeding me a bird army – HEY!"

Serena grabbed the Poké Ball Calem was about throw without even looking, tossing at the Fletchling with all her might. The ball dazed Fletchling when it made contact with the poor bird's head, converting the Fletchling into energy and sucking it in. The Poké Ball dropped on the ground and shook once.

Then twice.

Then a third time.

Then it stopped.

Then it shook a couple more times for good measure.

"Oh, come on!" Serena yelled.

And just like that, the shaking stopped. Serena smiled triumphantly and picked up her new Fletchling's Poké Ball.

"Serena!" Shauna exclaimed. "I don't think you're supposed to hit them like that – weren't we supposed to weaken them first through Pokémon battle."

"Nobody has time for that!" Serena argued.

"Hey, since you used _my_ Poké Ball to catch that thing, isn't it technically mine?" Calem suggested.

Serena's blank stare was all the answer Calem would get from her.

"Fool," Trevor said suddenly, "Poké Balls don't identify ownership until the Pokémon has been tagged, meaning the owner is whoever touched the Poké Ball prior to that, in this case-"

"Trevs, I don't need any of that nerd stuff now," Calem snapped.

"...you have made a powerful enemy today, Calem."

"Anyway," Calem said in blissful ignorance. "I guess I can let that slide for now, Ser. You can't get any badges with _just_ that adorable little fox of yours."

"Was that a challenge?"

"Um, no, I was just... by the way, why were you so jumpy before?" Calem countered. "You got something to hide? Because you can lay _all_ your darkest secrets on me – Calem is always here."

"That's great, Cal!" Tierno said. "Okay, I gotta get this off my chest – sometimes, I have dreams about you mom-"

"Not you!"

"You have to be prepared," Serena said. "The enemy can strike from any direction – it could be someone you've never met, or your closest friend. My advice to you is this – never. Trust. Anyone. Got that, Shauna?"

Shauna was happily playing with her Chespin, rubbing its stomach and feeding it strange little cake-like confections that she apparently had a limitless supply of in her bag.

"She'll learn," Serena said simply. "Take you for example, Calem – I should have never trusted you to get us out of this stupid forest!"

"Hey, I take offense to that!"

"The forest doesn't have feelings, silly," Tierno said.

"That wasn't what I – ugh, forget it. You guys are cramping my style. I'm using my unparalleled sense of directions to leave this stupid forest. I'll be sipping cider in Santalune before sundown! Anyone who accepts _me_ as their leader can feel free to follow me!"

No one followed Calem as he stomped in a random direction, and he himself had to back off as something emerged from the bushes. Not Pokémon this time, but four Pokémon trainers, Serena recognizing three of them as ones whom she had already beaten senseless in a Pokémon battle. There were two lasses and two youngsters, the lass at the lead smirking at the group with hands on her hips.

"That's 'em, Lise!" said one of the youngsters to the lass, being at least a head shorter than her. "They's the ones who messed up our Pokémon, see!"

"Oh crud, not them," Tierno grumbled at the sight of the four young trainers.

"You know who these people are and why they have decided to march into their dooms by standing in my way?" Serena asked.

"They're old friends of ours from school!" Shauna said cheerfully and waved at the leading lass. "Hi, Lise!"

"They're not our friends, we were enemies!" Tierno argued. "We were the yokels from Vaniville, they were the posh kids from Aquacorde and Santalune," Tierno explained to Serena. "Things got pretty heated a couple of times."

"Yeah, I'm sure," Serena said, rolling her eyes. "What, someone got their hair pulled? Their backpack thrown in a puddle?"

"No, they broke Trevor's nose," Tierno said. "And then Trevor sent two of them to the hospital."

Serena whistled appreciatively.

"That's the kind of thinking I need in my team!" Serena said to Trevor.

"Your praise is just white noise in my ears, arrogant Unovan," Trevor muttered.

"Quiet!" yelled Lise, the lass who looked to be the strongest of the group.

Tierno gulped, Calem dashed into safety and hid behind Serena and even Shauna's ever-present smile faltered a bit.

"You've pushed my slaves around long enough," Lise said in annoyingly smug voice. "I thought you hicks would have known better than to trespass into _our_ territory."

"That's her, Lise!" the same youngster who attempted to sound tough but sounded like a squeaky door yelled frantically, almost jumping up and down as she pointed at Serena. "The girl with the carmine hat!"

"I'd say it's more of a scarlet color," Serena pondered. "Just like the color of your blood – wanna see?"

Lise narrowed her eyes, a sadistic grin appearing on her face. "Aren't you a tough one."

"And _you're_ in my way," Serena said nonchalantly. "Oh, wait, and _you_ guys are the newbies I trashed earlier! Sorry it took me a while to recognize you – to be honest, you kids with your stupid Bidoof and Pidgey kinda blur together."

"She's doin' it again!" the whiny youngster complained in what could only be described a strange. "Hey, yous better stop right now – I still have another Pokémon you didn't knock out yet!"

Serena tensed up, ready to send out her Pokémon to counter whatever beast the youngster was about to send. A secret weapon of some sort, maybe? A fully evolved Pokémon? A bizarre hybrid of two Pokémon outfitted with a cannon on its back that shoots heat-seeking laser beams?

"Go, Scatterbug!" the youngster yelled.

"What," was Serena's response.

Scatterbug was a black bug-type Pokémon, barely a foot in height, one little tooth poking out of its mouth. Serena stared at it blankly.

"Are you for real now?" Serena asked.

"Hey, don't diss my Scatterbug!" the youngster whined. "It's without a doubt in the top percentage of Scatterbug!"

"Hah, that's it?!" shouted Calem, who finally came out from behind Serena after spotting his opponent. "Don't worry, friends, _I'll_ deal with him lickety-split."

Calem brought out his Froakie, who stretched its limbs and enthusiastically prepared for a battle.

"Scatterbug, Stun Spore!" the youngster ordered.

Before Froakie could attack, Scatterbug released a cloud of black powder from its mouth, the cloud floating directly at Froakie. As soon as the water-type inhaled some of the powder, its whole body seized up, its limbs going stiff as it collapsed on the ground, unable to move.

"Hey!" Calem yelled at the youngster. "That ain't fair! Froakie, haul yourself up!" he ordered the paralyzed Pokémon. "Move it or you won't be a part of my awesome breeding program!"

"Why are you so useless?" Serena grumbled and pushed Calem aside. "Tend to your Pokémon or something, I'll handle Scuttlebutt."

"Scatterbug!" the youngster complained. "Why aren't you taking this seriously?!"

"Why? Let me tell you the reasons... before this, I lived in Anville Town. My mom was a local Rhyhorn racing champion on the boonies of west Unova. She traveled all over the world, Kalos included, leaving me to fend for myself for days at a time – let's just say she fell off the Rhyhorn one too many times. One day, I was going shopping to Nimbasa City in a mostly empty train, when a bunch of hijackers attacked the train. Since the shops I wanted to go closed at seven, I had to do something, but with no Pokémon, I armed myself with a can of hair spray..."

Serena took out the can for dramatic effect.

"...and a cigarette lighter."

Serena demonstrated the lighter.

"On that day, I learned what is _really_ flammable, and discovered the amazing power of fire. Sweet, cleansing fire. As I picked the robbers off one by one, they got a little desperate, making it easier for me to try different tactics. Be it throwing one under the train..."

Serena picked up a bunch of leaves and twigs from the ground and crushed them in her fist, making a nasty crunching sound.

"...or making clever use of the deep-fryer at the train's dining car. They all had high-level Pokémon like Machoke or Bisharp with them, but all trembled at the sight of a teenaged girl with an improvised flamethrower and a lead pipe. So what chances do you think you have?"

"Did... did that actually happen?" asked lass Lise, having listened to the story with her eyes and mouth wide open.

"Ehh, who knows," Serena shrugged. "I just started telling it to distract you from my Fletchling's attack. NOW!"

Serena's Fletchling swooped at the amateur trainers, who all scattered away as if something terrifying was approaching. Fletchling picked up the youngster's Scatterbug, flew back into the air, and with an evil glint in its eye, dropped the Scatterbug when it was at fifteen feet, knocking the Pokémon out upon landing.

Angered by this, Lise sent out a Pokémon of her own... a Pikachu. The weird noise the Pikachu made upon being let out made Serena shudder.

"What kind of mutant breed is that?!" she wondered.

In the meantime, Shauna had supplied Calem with a bottle of Paralyze Heal she had found on the ground. With one spray from the bottle, Froakie got back on its feet and back in the action.

"All right, Froakie!" Calem ordered. "Quick Attack!"

Froakie moved so quickly that it looked like it vanished from the spot, emerging again near the Pikachu, ready to tackle it – only to be blocked by the Pikachu's tail smacking it in the stomach. Dazed, Froakie was blasted by Pikachu's Thunder Shock that knocked the poor water-type out with one shot.

"FROAKIE!"

"Why are you so _terrible_ at this?!" Serena snapped.

"It wasn't my fault! That Pikachu is vastly overpowered! That blow could stun a friggin' Golem! Hax, I tell you, hax!"

"Listen to yourself," Serena muttered and shook her head. "Looks like it's my turn."

Serena tossed Fennekin's Poké Ball into the air, allowing the little Fox Pokémon to aid its new Fletchling friend. Despite its many battles so far, Fennekin was still cheerful and full of energy, ready to do whatever Serena commanded.

The other youngster and other lass responded as well, sending out two Poké Balls each... only for their Pokémon to turn out to be Pidgey, Caterpie, Weedle and Zigzagoon.

Serena sighed.

"You know, when things are on my way, I get rid of them," she told Lise. "Usually with fire. Take this forest, for instance – at the moment, it's standing between me and civilization. Incidentally, so are you people."

Serena snapped her fingers, Fletchling and Fennekin assuming their positions on Serena's left and right side, respectively. Serena herself whipped out her hairspray can and lighter.

"You have about three seconds to make space," she said.

**~o~O~o~**

_**Location: Santalune City, an hour later**_

Serena, Shauna, Calem, Tierno and Trevor exited the Santalune Pokémon Center, all but Serena covered in soot and looking like they had just witnessed something terrifying – though Shauna had recovered quickly. The group had gotten out of Santalune Forest, the inferno Serena had created scaring off the school kids training their puny Pokémon on Ouvert Way, the route between the forest and Santalune City.

Santalune City was a medium-sized, quiet town with a friendly atmosphere. With cobblestone streets and little cafés and restaurants all over the place, it was no wonder the place was an important hub for trainers on their way to either Lumiose City to the north or the Pokémon League to the northeast.

"All right, my loyal minions!" Serena told the other four with a huge smile on her face. "As a reward for sticking with me, I'm taking you somewhere nice!"

"Ice cream?" Shauna asked hopefully.

"The Santalune City Boutique!"

"Even better!" Shauna cheered. "Yay!"

"Indeed it is, Shauna," Serena agreed. "I only brought two extra outfits with me and if I'm going to achieve immortality, I can't do it without properly accessorizing first, right?"

"Flawless logic," Calem agreed. "I guess I could use a new hat, myself. Something to celebrate my upcoming victory against this town's gym leader. Lead on, fair Serena!"

"Shut up."

"'Kay."

As the group started making their way towards the Santalune Boutique, which was right across the street from the Pokémon Center. Shauna was enthusiastically listing off things she wanted to buy and pondering out loud if they sold accessories for Pokémon. Trevor was grumbling about vanity and how it would be the group's downfall, no one listening to a word he was saying. But Tierno, having gotten the soot off his face, looked contemplative.

"Hey, Calem," he said quietly, Shauna having distracted Serena with talk about headwear.

"'Sup?" Calem asked.

"You notice anything, um, _odd _about Serena?"

"Well, for such a know-it-all about fashion, she should know that those shoes _seriously_ need to go if she wants them to mesh with-"

"No, I mean... well, didn't the fact that she just burned down a chunk of the forest while laughing like a maniac and singing 'Disco Inferno' kind of tip you off? We sent some of those posh kids home with third-degree burns!"

"Yeah, that was funny," Calem said, reminiscing it fondly. "I mean, once you got through the scariness, you gotta admit, they kind of had it coming. All in good fun."

"Well, it was pretty satisfying..." Tierno mumbled before catching himself. "I mean, no, no! It was terrible! Also, she keeps calling us stuff like 'minions'."

"It's Unova slang for 'friends'. You know, buddies, pals, comrades, mates, nakama?"

"I dunno..." Tierno said quietly and turned to look down at Trevor. "Trevs, what do you think?"

Trevor glanced at his friend warily. When no one was suddenly speaking out to interrupt him, his face lit up in a smile and he opened his mouth.

"Uh-"

"Well, let's get in!" Serena announced, the group having arrived at the door of the boutique. "

Inside the store, a friendly woman wearing a beret happily told the group to try on as much clothes as they wanted. She had not prepared for this day, however, as Serena and Shauna instantly reacted with insane glee and went on to try every possible hat they could find. Tierno was also looking for suitable dancer garb to put on his Corphish while Trevor stood in the corner and complained quietly.

As Serena rummaged through what was on display, trying on the twenty-third felt hat of the day, swearing they all looked like different colored variations of each other, she was approached by a woman with brown hair and green eyes. She was carrying a camera with her and seemed to be awfully interested in Serena, getting absurdly close to her, stroking her chin as she stared at Serena like she was wondering if she knew her from somewhere.

"You..." the woman muttered. "You're you, aren't you?"

"And they say the art of conversation has been lost," Serena sighed.

"Oh, sorry!" the woman said cheerily and slapped her forehead theatrically. "You just had an intriguing look to you, like I saw you from somewhere... maybe a poster."

Serena frowned. "Where have you seen a poster of me?" she asked immediately.

"Oh, it was probably nothing," the woman said cheerfully and waved a greeting. "Hi, I'm Alexa, I work for the Lumiose Press! I couldn't help but notice your group entering the shop – are you the ones who received Pokémon and PokéDexes from Professor Sycamore?"

"Oh, yes, that's us!" Serena said immediately. "Just a bunch of teens on their Pokémon journeys, nothing nefarious, feel free to write about it in your paper!"

Serena grabbed Shauna, who was trying on a cycling cap, and wrapped her arm around her in a manner she assumed friends did to each other.

"See? We're friends!" Serena told Alexa. "Nothing to see here!"

"Yay for friendship!" Shauna cheered without wondering why Serena was acting like this.

"Well, if you're Pokémon trainers, you'll probably want to check out the local gym," Alexa advised. "I can show you the way if you want. The gym leader, Viola, is actually my sister."

"Hmm, intriguing," Serena said and let go of Shauna. "Then you must know something about her strategy. Still, I have to be convinced that getting a gym badge is worth my time, when I'm supposed to be looking for the key to imm... _ensely_ good fashion apparel, yeah!"

"What an odd thing to say," Shauna said.

Before Alexa could respond, she waved a greeting at Calem, who came over to Serena and Shauna, magnetically drawn to them upon hearing the word 'badge'.

"You know the local gym leader?!" Calem asked Alexa. "Tell us everything about – hey, I know you! You're Alexa! I love your stuff! That article about Pokémon mating rituals changed my life!"

"I please to aim," Alexa said. "Wait..."

"Oh, and Serena," Calem said and put the hat he was carrying on. "Doesn't this look good?"

Serena turned to lazily look at the fedora Calem was demonstrating. Immediately upon seeing the abomination of an apparel, metaphorical flames were set alight in her eyes. It sat there, atop Calem's head and smug face, as if mocking her with its very existence. With it on, Calem became more beast than a man, and Serena could almost feel the common sense being sucked out of Calem's brain every second he wore the thing.

_I didn't even remember to bring my napalm._

"Take that thing off," Serena growled.

"Why?" Calem wondered. "The clerk said it makes me look sharp."

"Then I'll burn her along with it – and you if I have to," Serena said bluntly. "Take. It. Off."

"Well, if you insist," Calem said in a slightly squeaky voice and took the hat off, the memory of Santalune Forest not about to leave his head anytime soon. "I mean, if you prefer me like this, I'll always accommodate."

"Looks like it's too late – it already rotted your brain," Serena said.

"Eep," Calem squeaked and hastily threw the fedora away.

"Anyway," Serena continued nonchalantly as she turned to look at Alexa. "What kind of Pokémon does Viola use? You know, like, hypothetically, if I had an army of doom, would she be a good fit for it?"

"Oh, I thought everyone knew," Alexa said cheerfully. "No wonder they have that forest set up to keep the scum from Vaniville and Aquacorde out. She's an expert on bug-type Pokémon."

"You wouldn't expect to hear those words together," Calem laughed. "Um, Serena? You OK?"

The sight of the scumbag crown on Calem's head had already pushed Serena's patience, but the mere mention of bug-types pushed her over the edge. She started grinding her teeth together, her eye twitching at the very thought of someone dedicating their careers to such vile things.

_Bugs_. _Nasty, stinky, creepy, crawly, jittery, all-legs no-brains kind of BUGS! _

"Oh, yeah, you really don't like bug-types," Calem laughed. "Well, tough luck, if you're not challenging the gym, I guess I can go ahead and-"

"No!" Serena snapped. "I fully intend to face her. And I can't wait to wipe her and her Pokémon off the face of this planet. Yes – sweet fire, it cleanses all..."

"Sounds good!" Shauna piped in suddenly. "I'll go with you! I wanna see how you battle! This is going to be fun!"

"What? Hey, uh, me too!" Calem said. "I mean, I want that badge too, but, um, you can face her first."

"Tierno, Trevor!" Serena yelled at the remaining two, who immediately stood at attention. "Get to the Pokémon Center and stock up on Potions, Poké Balls and Repel! If you don't buy an even-numbered amount, you know what happens! Now all I need is the right inspiration for this..."

"Oh, I almost forgot," Alexa said. "The stores around here are run by some real elitists, bu if you have a good reputation, or you get more gym badges, they show you stuff that they don't keep around just for the average shmoes."

"And that was it! Alexa, take me to your sister so I can _burn her gym to the ground_!"

"Sure thing!" Alexa said obliviously.

**~o~O~o~**

_**Location: Santalune City Gym, Kalos**_

The gym was oddly small: it looked more like a tiny, mostly empty art gallery with pictures of bug-type Pokémon around (making Serena flicker her lighter nervously) and a big hole in the middle of the floor, a thin steel pipe leading down into the hole and places beyond.

The Gym guide cheerfully approached Serena, Shauna and Calem, Alexa having returned to Lumiose City after showing the group the gym.

"What's the hustle, little Crustle?" he asked Serena in a manner that made her groan. "Here to challenge Viola?"

"Yes!" Serena yelled. "Take me to your leader, please."

"Whoa, don't buzz off just yet, little Lady-ba," the gym guide said.

"Please stop."

"We don't want people crawling over to the gym leader and bugging her before we see if they're up to the task," the gym guide continued. "You have to go down that pipe and make your way to the leader by navigating around a sticky maze of a spider web. If you don't think you have what it takes, don't be Hera-_cross_ with us and make a U-turn instead-"

Serena grabbed the gym guide by his shirt and dragged him to her level, pulling his face uncomfortably close to hers.

"I didn't come here to listen to your crap, and I'm not sliding down that pipe," Serena grumbled. "Just ask all the little critters at Santalune Forest how powerful I am. Take me to Viola _now_ – I insist!"

"Can you at least make a bug pun?" the gym guide whimpered

Serena sighed. "Um... I _insect-_st?"

"Eww... no wait, I get it. Not very good, but all right. We'll skip the gym ritual today – a lot of people _have_ fallen off into the endless pit below the gym already. You can see Viola now."

"_Thank you_," Serena said. "Please don't tell me she makes stupid puns too."

"...I won't tell you. But we can't let your friends get into the chambers. They can follow the battle through the video screen from this floor."

"Well, good luck, Serena!" Shauna cheered and rummaged through her bag for something. "Here!"

Shauna dumped about ten bottles of Potion and a few Paralyze Heals and Antidotes into Serena's bag, Serena eying Shauna curiously.

"Oh, I'm _really_ good at finding things from the ground!" Shauna explained. "You can't believe how much stuff people just throw away these days."

"No wonder you spent half you time in the boutique rummaging through their garbage cans..."

"There was a Great Ball in the garbage once!"

So, Serena was brought to Viola. Apart from her hair being sandy-blonde, Viola looked a disturbingly lot like her sister, and was currently photographing a Scyther that was apparently 'posing' in what Serena could only assume was meant to be suggestive or something. As for who actually paid for these kinds of photographs – Serena didn't want to know.

"With you in a minute, darling!" Viola called out in the middle of the photographing session. "Yes, brilliant, honey, that's it, give me your naughty look..."

After a few minutes of photographing, Viola ended her session with Scyther and walked up to Serena. Noticing Serena's ensemble, Viola immediately gushed over it and started taking pictures of her, practically blinding Serena with the camera's flash.

"Hey!" Serena snapped. "I don't remember giving you permission to take my picture!"

"True," Viola remarked callously and took one more. "But that glint in you eye, that determined expression. Oh, wow! Such fashion! Many style!"

"Can we move it on, please?" Serena asked. "I need a badge, and I'm here to show you why your bug-type Pokémon suck grass!"

"Ooh, sassy," Viola commented, not at all bothered by Serena's insult. "You know, whether it's the tears of frustration following a loss or the blossoming of joy that comes with victory, I _love_ photographing trainers and their lovely Pokémon. But I should let you know – my lens is always focused on victory, and I won't let _anything_ ruin this shot."

Serena groaned.

"Are all of you Kalos gym leaders like this?" she wondered. "I mean, I heard you had quirks and stuff but _seriously_?"

"All right, all right," Viola said, grabbing a Poké Ball from her pocket. "With my Pokémon, I'll beat you quicker than a shutter set to 1/1000 can snap shut! It'll only be a snap and a flash as I mow down your Pokémon!"

"Can you stop that?"

"That'd be a _negative_, my photogenic pal. But don't worry, this battle begins now. _Music, please_!"

Serena was about to yell at her to get on with it and ignore some stupid music... but then she heard the incredibly catchy electro tune starting, being quiet at first but slowly intensifying, the pulsating beat making Serena bop her head and snap her fingers without even noticing.

"_Da__ng, _that _is_ a catchy tune," she whispered.

"We Kalos gym leaders have good taste, after all," Viola flaunted. "Go, Surskit!"

"Fennekin, go!"

While Serena went with her trusty and adorable starter, Viola's Pokémon was blue with a round body and three long, skinny legs – it was the legs that Serena hated the most with bug-types. Either they were creepy or there were just too many of them.

"Surskit, Bubble!"

"Fennekin, Flame Charge!"

Stomping on the ground with its little paws, Fennekin was suddenly enveloped in red and orange flames and leaped into the air, charging at Surskit with incredible speed, easily evading the slowly moving bubbles and knocking into the Surskit, dazing it momentarily.

"Now, Tail Whip!"

Being close enough to Surskit to attack physically, Fennekin slapped it around with its puffy little tail, preventing it from making a move of its own until Fennekin stopped.

"Surskit, Water Sport!"

Surskit fired a stream of water from its mouth, soaking the entire battlefield, though Fennekin was quick enough to dodge most of the water. Serena cringed, but the water didn't seem to affect Fennekin, so she ordered the finishing move.

"Finish it off with Scratch!"

Fennekin barked in agreement, swiping at the Surskit with its claws. Just one scratch finally knocked out the Surskit. Viola didn't seem affected, instead opting to just take pictures of the battle situation, calmly recalling Surskit after its fall.

"Fantastic, just fantastic!" Viola said while photographing Fennekin from different angles, the Fox Pokémon being all too happy to pose for the camera. "Your Pokémon are showing me a whole new depth of field, awesome! But we'll see how this develops as I take one last shot!"

"This gym is burning to the ground, I swear..."

"Go, Vivillon!"

Serena was expecting to see another creepy-crawly, but Vivillon turned out to be a surprisingly pretty Pokémon. Well, its actual body was hideous, but its large, colorful wings had elegant patterns on them.

_But pretty or not, it has to burn_.

"Fennekin, Ember!"

"Vivillon, swoop down!"

_Swoop down? That's not a move I've heard of_.

The Vivillon was quick to dive into one of the many puddles the Surskit had left on the floor, leaving it soaking with water. As the Ember attack landed, Vivillon seemed barely grazed by it.

"You clever blighter," Serena said approvingly. "But I have a way to dry you off. Fennekin, Flame Charge!"

"Vivillon, Powder!"

Flapping its wings rapidly, the Vivillon released a cloud of thick, yellow powder at Fennekin's direction. As soon as the powder touched Fennekin's flames, it combusted, causing an explosion that knocked Fennekin out cold.

Serena was aghast at this. So far, her Fennekin hadn't lost once. It was too adorable to lose! Either way, Serena was forced to recall it and send out her next Pokémon: Fletchling. Though its chirp was as cutesy as with the other members of its species, Fletchling's glare at the Vivillon was a look of pure murder.

"Fletchling, Quick Attack!" Serena ordered.

Fletchling spread its wings and launched itself at the Vivillon, managing to hit the bug-type with a full-body tackle.

"Now, Tackle!"

"Vivillon, Infestation!" Viola ordered.

Before Fletchling could move, small, green insect-like creatures appeared from out of nowhere, all swarming around Fletchling. Within seconds, Fletchling was trapped by the strange creatures crawling all over it, the little bird's usually determined face cringing in agony.

_She's doing that to my Fletchling. Putting _bugs_ all over it._

_Stupid, horrible, slimy, disgusting BUGS!_

"Agility!" Serena screeched.

Fletchling moved faster than ever before, nimbly making its way past the green creepy crawlies, practically vanishing from its earlier spot, reappearing right behind the Vivillon.

"Now, Peck!"

Fletchling tucked its wings and lunged at the Vivillon its beak first, managing to stab the Vivillon repeatedly with its beak. After five repeated pecks, Fletcling not giving Vivillon any time to recover, the bug-type finally went down.

Viola didn't seem too upset at all, just ecstatic over getting such great shots. She gave Serena the Bug Badge (as it was shaped like a beetle, Serena quickly hid it at the bottom of her bag) in recognition for her victory and advised her to get to Lumiose City, which housed not only Sycamore's lab, but also another gym, ran by, in Viola's words "some creepy nerd". Serena was so pumped up about her victory that she didn't even burn the gym down... for now.

She still made Viola bow down to her and recognize the supremacy of fire-types. For some reason, Viola was outright eager to do so. Because this creeped Serena out more than it boosted her ego, she was quick to leave through a hidden door at the back.

All in all, it had been a good day.

**~o~O~o~**

_**Location: Lumiose City Gym, Kalos**_

On the highest floor of Lumiose's pride and joy, the fabulous Prism Tower, was a dark chamber where the gym leader, Clemont, lived. Having said he wouldn't accept challenges today, he spent his obsessively tinkering with his latest invention. Sweat dripping down his face, he ranted manically to himself as he put the finishing touches to what he deemed to be his greatest invention yet: a robot that couldn't be told apart from a human being.

Clemont's younger sister, Bonnie, stood nervously at the entrance to Clemont's room, knocking warily on the opened door.

"Don't turn on the lights yet!" Clemont yelled as soon as he noticed Bonnie entering. "You came just in time, sis. Witness the ultimate power of my invention!"

"Actually, I came here to see if you were okay," Bonnie said quietly. "You've been in here for six days. Mom has been really worried about you – she said she didn't raise her son to be a shut-in-"

"Nothing is ever good for her!" Clemont wailed. "You'd think becoming a frickin' _gym leader_ would appease her, but _noooo_! But we'll see how she reacts – we'll see how _all of those fools_ react – when I unleash the power of my creation!"

Clemont adjusted his big round glasses, somehow making life reflect off them and obscure his eyes even though only a small amount of light got in through the open door.

"Gah!" Bonnie flinched. "How did you do that? I thought it only happened in anime!"

"Practice," Clemont whispered. "Years and years of practice. Now, Bonnie... behold!"

Clemont pulled a string dangling from the ceiling, turning on a single lamp and pulling off the cover obscuring his robot. Bonnie gasped at what she saw: it looked almost exactly like a human, with its eyes closed and its body tilted forward as if had fallen asleep on its feet. For whatever reason, it looked like a young, brown-haired woman wearing a maid outfit.

"Her name is Camille," Clemont said proudly and stroked the robot's arms creepily.

"Why did you make... _her_... look like that?" Bonnie asked.

"BECAUSE!" Clemont roared. "Now, say hello to Bonnie, Camille," he added with a creepy whisper as he grabbed a remote control from the floor and pointed the robot with it.

"Before you do that... what do you plan to _do_ with that robot?"

"I'm going to unleash her to the world, see how people react! If everyone is fooled, I'm going to make her catch Pokémon and see how she battles. If all goes well, I'll mass-produce an unbeatable robot army!"

"...of course, how stupid of me to ask..."

"Indeed," Clemont said. "Now, Camille... wake up!"

Clemont pushed the button on his remote. Scared of what was about to happen but also too afraid to flee, Bonnie stood still and observed as the maid robot stood up straight and slowly opened its eyes, its mouth turning to a strange, unnatural smile. Then, it slowly opened its mouth, uttering its first words in a mechanical voice:

"**_I_was_created_solely_do_battl_****_e!_**"

* * *

**_A/N: I know I said I wouldn't have much of these, but I have to acknowledge the support and feedback I've gotten. Thank you so much for reading, all of you, and I hope you continue to do so in the future. Chapter three (Lumiose City, baby!) will be up in a few days. Thanks to anonymous reviewers Someone and Greninja for their reviews, and thanks to Bloody Nailbunny, adorkabledork, Mauveamigirl and turbotails23 for favoriting/following. And thanks to everyone else who took the time to read as well._**

**_Opinions made by character do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. Some bug-type Pokémon, like Heracross, are actually hella rad._**


	3. Scent of Sycamore

"Oh, _mais je rêve! _We have arrived to one of my favorites parts of this _farfelu_ tale. I mean, sure, homicidal lunatics and their clueless companions can be fun in small doses, but it gets old after a while. This boring old story needs some new blood... some _sexy_ new blood. Yes, after an arduous trip through Parterre Way, where a simple eye-contact with a random stranger led to a fight – not to mention broken bones and second-degree burns for all concerned – our her... our protago... _these kids _finally arrived to the greatest city in the world: Lumiose City. See if you can spot the very pillar that makes this silly tale worth reading."

"_Allons-y_!"

**Chapter Three: _Scent of Sycamore_**

"Serena – whoa – do we have to – ow- use these?"

"Do you have any idea how many people I had to threaten to get all of us a pair of roller skates? You'll use them and you'll like them!"

Serena and her minions were making their way through Route 4, also known as Parterre Way, traveling past the lush gardens and hedge mazes and the trainers staring at their clumsy attempts to stay on their roller skates. Serena had initially stumbled, but was now making steady progress, while Calem, Trevor and Shauna struggled, Shauna eventually having to hold on to Serena to avoid falling. Tierno, on the other hand, had instantly learned how to use them, and was now gracefully circling around the group while still moving forward, yelling out advice and encouragement to the others until Calem told him to shut up.

Eventually, though, they stumbled close to their destination: Lumiose City. The magnificent Prism Tower and other tall buildings were already clearly visible.

Serena could barely contain her excitement. Managing to stop, she spread her arms to force Shauna, Trevor and Calem to stop as well, Calem falling on his behind for the seventh time after knocking into the others.

"Behold!" she said. "Past that gate is Lumiose City, the capital of Kalos, the home of the world's most finest fashion, most stupefying style and the coolest culture. As soon as our quest to find the legendary Pokémon succeeds, this will be our base of operations – but before that, I'm going to shop till my wallet screams for mercy!"

"Doesn't it already do that after you spent all that money in the boutique yesterday?" Shauna wondered.

"Well, I think Fennekin and Fletchinder made enough newbies cry for me to afford a new dress or two. Plus I bottled some of their tears, which will get me a mint in some circles. Trust me – when you're in Lumiose, you're not short of money-making opportunities."

"You've been here before?" Calem asked.

"My mom has been here several times, including when she was expecting me, so in a way, yes. Now, let's see, we have to visit the Boutique Couture, because what's the point of coming here if you don't do that? Also, we have to check out the PR Studio, get some lunch at the Sushi High Roller, check out the café scene-"

"And visit Professor Sycamore's lab!" Tierno piped in.

"And visit – what?"

"Well... isn't that the whole reason we came here?"

Serena stared at Tierno blankly.

"I mean, shopping and restaurants and all that is fun, too!" Tierno said quickly when he saw something ignite in Serena's eyes. "But, Sycamore had something important to tell us!"

"He might know about the legendary Pokémon, too," Serena pondered. "All right, screw it, we'll go there, but _after_ we tour a couple of clothes stores and cafés."

"Ooh, I wanna trim a Furfrou !" Shauna squeed. "Serena, can we go there, please? _Please_~?"

Serena rolled her eyes. Pretty Pokémon were great, but she never understood what the deal was with Furfrou. At least Fennekin was a Pokémon with both style and the ability to turn anything in her way into a pile of ashes.

"Ooh, and we should also totally go to the herb shop," Shauna listed off, "and then the jewelry shop and try out some of those amazing Lumiose Galettes and climb on top of the Prism Tower - ooh, and I want to ride a Gogoat so bad!"

Calem, who had stopped to take a sip from his water bottle, snorted water out of his nose as he broke down in laughter. Shauna didn't seem to understand what was so funny. Serena retorted by nudging Calem slightly, causing him to lose his balance and fall again.

At the gate separating Route 4 from Lumiose, however, were two young people (though still a bit older than Serena and the gang), a woman and a man, in fancy matching white outfits – even with cute little red and blue bow ties, respectively.

"They're here!" the woman announced loudly. "Heeeeey, guuuuuyyyys~"

"You're in my way," Serena remarked as she and the group carefully approached them, Calem and Trevor still wobbly on their feet due to the roller skates. "You have ten seconds to explain why. Ten... nine..."

"Oh, my, such lovely young trainers!" the woman squealed energetically. "We're professor Sycamore's top students and assistants!"

"...eight... seven..."

"We were both entrusted a PokéDex by the professor two years ago," the man said cheerfully ignoring the increasingly menacing look on Serena's face. "So I guess you could call us voyage veterans!"

"...six... five..."

"I'm Sina, a beautiful name, for a beautiful lady, wouldn't you agree?" the woman said with a wink.

"And _I'm_ Dexio," the man announced. "Just... just Dexio."

"...four... three..."

"Serena, please!" Tierno said in alarm as Serena grabbed her lighter. "We know them, they're really who they say they are, right Trevor?"

Trevor was too busy trying to maintain his balance, though.

"Once I get these skates off, everyone will be destroyed," he grumbled.

"We were out here testing the viability of the newly discovered Fairy-type," Sina said. "But then we received word that you were coming, so we decided to greet you and show you to the lab. The professor is waiting."

"Fine, we'll take your word for it," Serena groaned. "Just tell me, what kind of man is professor Sycamore?"

"He's..." Sina stopped her explanation to sigh dramatically and look up at the sky, a moonstruck smile on her face. "The greatest mentor anyone could hope for. When he arrives into the room, all my troubles just disappear."

"He's truly an inspiration for us all," Dexio said wistfully. "He works tirelessly to help the trainers of Kalos, and still finds a way to keep those beautiful brown locks of hair and that stubble in shape while still appearing carefree and casual."

"When he walks down the lab with that shirt button open...unf!" Sina shivered. "Words can't describe it. And he's been so good to us, too, rewarding for us for our research – perhaps we should screw up a bit so he'd give us a good ol' punishment, eh Dexio?"

"You read my mind," Dexio smirked.

"What the effin' Arceus, _seriously_?!" Serena groaned. "I can't go anywhere without hearing about his magnificence, the great Augustine Sycamore! How much is he paying you to shill him like this?"

"A lot," Dexio admitted. "But I'd do it for free – for him," he added with a sigh.

Serena rolled her eyes... again. "I'll see it for myself when I meet him. Just... just show us where his lab is and we'll go there on our own time!"

"Even better, we'll show you the way!" Sina announced. "Let's go!"

The group finally taking off their skates, Serena didn't have time to protest as her companions were being dragged away from her, Sina and Dexio leading them through the gate and into the city proper.

Serena had anticipated Lumiose to be great, but nothing could have prepared for the burst of beauty that bedazzled her being as she laid eyes on the city's South Boulevard. Clean, yellow streets of brick and cobblestone with people and Pokémon from all parts of the world crowding around, a little café or a shop in every corner, everyone dressed with unparalleled style. Even Castelia City was nothing compared to this. With Prism Tower looming above everything else in the city, Furfrou and Skiddo playing around amidst the grass and trees growing between the streets and sidewalks, Serena finally felt at home.

_Anville Town can kiss my_-

"So, have you kids heard of the Masked Heroes?" Dexio asked as he and Sina led the group forward.

"Should we care?" Serena asked immediately.

"I hear they're a pair of traveling superheroes who live in Lumiose City," Sina said, glancing at Dexio. "Would be _really_ fun to meet them, I bet."

"Uh huh."

"Yeah, they could be _closer than we imagine, _right Sina?" Dexio said with an annoyingly smug smile on his face. "I would love to hear about the _amazing things they have done protecting the region_!"

"Kind of weird I haven't heard from them before," Shauna remarked.

"Well, you do come from the boonies, so it's forgiven," Sina said.

"Superheroes, huh?" Serena said. "Shauna, you better write them down. If we meet them, we'll give them the 'join or burn' option."

"What?" Dexio wondered.

"So which way to the lab?" Serena asked.

"Just a few more blocks down the Southern Boulevard," Sina said and pointed at a tall building ahead. "You can _just_ see it from here. The Pokémon Center is just opposite to it, too."

"Yeah, cool, cool," Serena said absentmindedly, licking her lips and shifting her eyes in thought. "Say, Calem, Tierno, Trevor, what if you boys head on up to meet professor McGorgeous while me and Shauna will, um..."

"Ice cream?" Shauna suggested.

"Scope out the city in advance!" Serena said. "Yeah, we'll do that so we don't get lost while we explore. Take care, bye-bye now, see you soon!"

"Serena," Tierno said, "don't you think we should stick toge-"

"_This is an order_," Serena growled.

"Okay!" Tierno squealed.

"Leave it to us, Ser!" Calem said and saluted Serena mockingly. "I hear the professor might be handing out more Pokémon, so don't take too long if you don't want me to pick up the best one!"

"Take the fire-type and you'll be shipped back to Vaniville in a matchbox," Serena said.

Calem laughed nervously while Tierno gulped. Either way, the three boys followed Sina and Dexio down Southern Boulevard while Serena grabbed Shauna with her and headed towards a nearby alley that, according to the road sign, led to 'Vert Plaza'.

"So where are we going?" Shauna asked excitedly. "Furfrou grooming? Galettes? The Looker Bureau?"

"Shauna, I have to – Looker Bureau?" Serena wondered. "Why does that sound familiar?"

"I'll check!" Shauna said cheerfully and opened the electronic Town Map she kept in her bag. "Ah, according to the guide it's a building that was rented by a detective called Looker from the International Police. Let's see, there's a link to the news article... he wants to fight organized crime in Kalos, his home region, and is calling out for people to fight on the side of justice. Hmm, it doesn't say where the Bureau is, though, just the detective's word on the matter. He says 'we will find you'. Sounds like a cool guy, right Serena? Um, Ser?"

Serena was just staring blankly into the distance, memories flooding into her mind.

_She and Grace's Rhyhorn stood in the burning barn, the man with a trench coat and his Croagunk having somehow tracked her down. She had met him before in Nimbasa City, but his nasal voice and odd syntax of speech made Serena let her guard down and say too much – her mom being so well-known didn't help matters at all. Little did Serena know how far this detective would chase her. _

"_End of the line, Serena," the detective said. "I'd give up now. A young girl with your intelligence and tenacity doesn't belong in prison. No one has died yet – no one who will be missed, anyway – so we can end this peacefully._"

Serena shuddered, but was brought back to her senses by a repetitive voice calling out her name.

"Serena?" Shauna said. "Serena? Serena? _Serena_? Serrr-eeeeeeena~ ?"

"What?" Serena said.

"...Serena?"

"WHAT?!"

Shauna winced. "Sorry."

Serena covered her eyes. "No, don't be, you didn't do anything wrong. Just... I don't think we should go to the Looker Bureau. How about we head on to that hair salon, Coiffure Clips, instead? Get a new look – a _completely _new look, make us unrecognizable! My treat! The boys can wait!"

"Cool!" Shauna cheered. "Thanks. You know, I'm so lucky to travel with you! "

"You mean be my expert henchman?"

"Whatever, I don't care!" Shauna said. "I just want to make a lot of fun memories and help you any way I can ! You saved me back there in Anville Town, after all!"

"Well... no problem," Serena said awkwardly. "But we have to do something about your Pokémon skillz. You can't just capture whatever you see that looks cute – though the cuteness is a bonus – and you need to seriously improve your battling style. I'll help you with that!"

"Yay !"

"Quite. I'll also get you some new clothes. I mean, those are fine, but you can't have the future Duchess of Coastal Kalos looking all common-y. We'll sell some of that weird junk you've been finding on the ground to buy you something nice and expensive."

But before Serena and Shauna could walk very far, a surly-looking man wearing a hard hat stopped the girls from advancing further.

"I'm sorry, there's a blackout on the north side of town," the man said bluntly.

"Wha... so?" Serena asked.

"You can't go any farther until it's fixed," the guy continued and then just stood there quietly.

Serena was incensed and was about to open Fennekin's Poké Ball and order her to make _douchebag de terre_ for lunch. But doing it under the nose of detective Looker – if it really was him...

_Damn it_.

"Whatever, we'll find another way to get to that salon," Serena said. "Come on, Shauna!"

Serena and Shauna headed to the Pokémon Center for a quick healing and restocking on items, then decided to head to the street heading north, Vernal Avenue. But somehow, their advance was blocked by _another_ construction worker – who looked completely identical to the one before.

"I'm sorry, there's a blackout on the north side of town," the construction worker said in a voice that matched the man they had met before.

Not only that, but people kept passing by regardless. A man wearing tight jeans, a scarf and thick-rimmed glasses just casually walked past the construction worker, who did nothing to stop him.

"You can't go any farther until it's fixed," the guy said flatly, then just stared at Serena and Shauna quietly.

An old woman walking her Furfrou walked by, the construction worker once again doing _que dalle_ to stop her.

"What the bleep?!" Serena snapped. "Why aren't you stopping any of these other people? And there's clearly activity going on the north side of town! And what about people who live in the south but work in the north?"

"I'm sorry," the guy said monotonously, "but there's a blackout-"

Serena made a noise resembling 'grrraaagh' and left the guy with Shauna before she popped a blood vessel.

"Oh well, we'll get a cut some other time," Shauna said, her disposition not changing at all. "Maybe we should get to the lab now?"

"But..." Serena stuttered. "New look... Looker... Bureau... stopping my plans..."

Shauna stared at Serena, her big, green eyes wide with curiosity. How was Serena going to explain everything to her? She had no doubt that Shauna wouldn't believe whatever polished version of the events she would offer, but outright lying to her face just didn't seem...

_I'm not going soft – I jut don't want to waste anymore time!_

"Never mind, you're right," Serena said. "To the lab!"

**~o~O~o~**

_**Location: Sycamore Lab, Lumiose City, Kalos**_

The laboratory, despite its place in the middle of one of the busiest parts of town, had a relaxing atmosphere to it, with a lush green garden for Pokémon behind the building. Sina, who was waiting for Serena and Shauna near the entrance, guided the two girls inside and towards the elevator, which they took to the third floor of the lab. Along the way, they passed by many of Sycamore's assistants, all impeccably stylish, which seemed unnecessary for people who spent their time inside doing experiments. Sycamore's assistants and many students all spoke of the man like he was the spawn of Arceus itself, and among the oil painting of Pokémon (apparently painted by Sycamore himself) were big pictures of the man in question.

As the elevator arrived to the third floor and the doors opened with a ping, Serena and Shauna instantly noticed a weird scent in the air. As they stepped out of the elevator, Serena heard a soft, pleasant voice speak out:

"_So we finally meet_!"

Assuming this to be the professor, Serena turned and opened her mouth to give a snarky, belittling remark. But when Serena laid eyes on the professor in the flesh, her mouth stayed open.

Tall and _massively_ good-looking, Sycamore looked more like a male model from Kiloude City wearing a lab coat rather than Serena's idea of a scientist. His curly brown hair made him look like he had just gotten out of bed and gently crawled out from under the massive pile of supermodels he slept with, the blue shirt under his lab coat casually open.

Shauna was less impressed, however.

"What's that smell?" she asked bluntly.

"Oh, you noticed my cologne, did you?" Sycamore asked. "One of the finest inventions we Kalosians ever came up with. Though I am partial to Unovans as well," Sycamore added with a wink at Serena.

Something on the back of Serena's mind wondered if Sycamore knew her age, though he didn't seem to care about her or Shauna as much as he cared about the full-length mirror on the wall he started to look at himself from.

"Ugh, the girls at Coiffure Clips are going to be _so_ disappointed when I don't show up to my weekly appointment," Sycamore lamented. "I'm sure you also noticed the blackout they're having – and the city authorities doing their damnedest to keep people isolated. Funny how the Kalosian government is always so good at _stopping_ people, but when it's the time to help..." Sycamore sighed. "Bureaucracy, huh? A less-than-fine Kalosian invention. But enough chatter, follow me please, you two."

Serena didn't even think of protesting as she followed Sycamore to the back of the room, while Shauna looked restlessly around her.

"Where are the boys?" she wondered.

"Dexio is showing them around," Sycamore replied breezily. "We have a lot of fine things here. The Poké Radar lab, the Sycamore Academy – not the name I suggested, but oh well – the great Pokémon garden, the tanning salon, the cloning lab in the basement-"

"Wait, the what?" Serena wondered.

Sycamore laughed. "Oh, careless me. Don't worry, I'll zap you with the amnesia ray before we leave. Come on, now."

Sycamore led Serena and Shauna to another part of the room separated from the rest of the floor by a divider. A retro gramophone in the corner was playing accordion music, but Sycamore quickly replaced the record currently playing with another one, that started to play a smooth, bass-heavy funk song:

"_I've been really tryin' baby / Tryin' hold back this feeling for so long / And if you feel, like I feel baby / Then come on, oh come on_-"

"That's better," Sycamore commented. "Now, my name is Augustine Sycamore, and nothing makes me tingle with excitement more than seeing young people..."

"Uh," Serena said, weirded out.

"...go on Pokémon journeys," Sycamore finished mercifully. "It seems I did the right thing giving you Pokémon, but I'd still like to see how they're doing. Let them out, _sil vous plait_!"

Serena opened Fennekin's Poké Ball, the Fox Pokémon being spry as ever, barking with excitement upon seeing Sycamore. Shauna's Chespin was also in good shape, though Shauna had decorated with weird pink ribbons. Seeing them made Serena look at Fennekin, a hungry expression on her face – she _had_ to get some of those things.

"Ooh, _trés magnifique_!" Sycamore explained – Serena wondered why he had to switch between languages like that. "They seem to be enjoying your company very much. I mean, they haven't evolved yet, but nobody's perfect. And from what Sina told me, you and _monsieur_ Calem already have the gym badge from Santalune City! You certainly seem to have that certain _je ne sais quoi_! Let's see, you are Shauna, correct?" he asked Shauna, who nodded cheerfully. "_Bien_, so that means _you_ are Serena?"

"None other!" Serena exclaimed. "Why do you ask?"

"I've heard good things about Rhyhorn racer Grace – I have sent her many a letter in the past," Sycamore said.

Serena remembered getting an influx of cologne-smelling letters one time when she was still living in Anville and how she chucked them all in the fireplace – in hindsight, a bad move, so she didn't say anything.

"When I heard she and her _beau_ daughter were moving to Vaniville Town, far away from everything you used to know – it hit me right here," Sycamore grunted, hand on his chest dramatically.

"I don't see the big deal, both of us were sick of Anville Town and we didn't exactly have friends, anyway," Serena said.

Sycamore didn't seem to listen. "That's when I got the idea. Giving you a Pokémon and having you travel all over the region, getting into adventures, filling the pages of my high-tech encyclopedia with useless trivia, the feeling you get when sleeping under the stars obscured by rain clouds and freezing your butt off on the cold, hard ground when your Pokémon ignore your orders and you have no money for decent food and nobody caring about you..." Sycamore groaned, a murderous glint in his eye. "...Arceus, being a trainer frickin' _suck__ed_!"

Suddenly, Sycamore went back to grinning happily.

"Well, anyway, that's what you have to look forward to!" he finished. "Now, let's battle!"

Shauna looked surprised, while Serena just frowned in confusion.

"What, you and me?" she asked, and Sycamore nodded. "Why?"

"Because I wanna. You gonna say no to this face?"

"Well, no... but only because my Fennekin could use the training. My opponents so far haven't been up to par, really..."

"Excellent!" Sycamore said, grabbing a Poké Ball from his pocket and tossing it into the air, catching it with his other hand. "Word of warning, though... I'm terrible."

"Huh?"

"No talk, it's battle time!" Sycamore yelled and tossed his first Poké Ball on the floor of his office, apparently undisturbed by potential collateral damage.

Sycamore's first Pokémon was Bulbasaur, a blue quadruped grass-type with a big green bulb growing from its back. As it opened its mouth to growl at Serena's Fennekin, who just stared at it coolly, it exposed a row of sharp teeth. In right hands, this Pokémon could be pretty badass – too bad Serena was going to burn it down.

"Flame Charge!" Serena ordered.

Fennekin stomped the ground and enveloped its body in a veil of fire. Before Bulbasaur could attack, the Fennekin had leaped at the Bulbasaur and tackled it, the fiery attack knocking it out with a single blow. Merely laughing in an annoying "_hon hon hon_" way, Sycamore withdrew the Bulbasaur and sent out his next Pokémon.

Sycamore's next Pokémon was Squirtle, a blue, bipedal turtle-like Pokémon, most of its body encased in a tough-looking brown shell. A water-type wasn't even a thang for Serena, who ordered Fennekin to boost its strength with Howl while Sycamore... ordered Squirtle to use Withdraw.

_Son of a..._ Serena thought as Squirtle pulled its head and limbs inside its shell.

"Okay, then... Fennekin, Psybeam!" Serena ordered.

Fennekin's eyes glowed red and fired a multicolored beam of dizzying energy at the Squirtle. But even the Psybeam attack bounced harmlessly off its shell, causing Sycamore to giggle obnoxiously.

_What an amateur. Believing that hiding in its shell will shield Squirtle from the all-consuming power of FIRE!_

"Fire Spin!" Serena yelled.

Fennekin fired a blast of fire from its mouth at the Squirtle, but the intent wasn't to harm it. Instead, the flames wrapped around its shell and kept on spinning, making it impossible for Squirtle to come out. Close proximity to the fire made Sycamore and Shauna sweat, but Serena enjoyed every second of it, the bright, burning, rattling fire making her feel truly alive.

Serena told Fennekin to just stay still, and indeed, as the flames stopped spinning, Squirtle came out of its shell, tongue hanging out and covered in sweat, unable to battle. Sycamore nodded approvingly and withdrew the Squirtle.

The next one just _had_ to be a fire-type, and indeed, Sycamore sent out a Pokémon that Serena wanted like burning.

_That was terrible_, Serena thought.

Admittedly, the little orange bipedal lizard-like Pokémon with a little flame burning on the tip of its tail didn't look too impressive at first glance. The Charmander lacked the tough shell of a Squirtle and the general badass quality of Bulbasaur. But some part of Serena knew, just _knew_, that on day, that Charmander was going to be the Pokémon to bring Kalos to its knees.

"Fennekin, Psybeam again!"

"Charmander, Smokescreen!" Sycamore yelled.

To Serena's surprise, Charmander reacted first, blasting at Fennekin with a thick burst of black smoke. Fennekin's Psybeam missed completely as it couldn't see anything over the smoke. The Psybeam instead knocked several books out of one of Sycamore's bookshelves. Charmander's speed was indeed impressive, but Serena had an idea.

"Flame Charge!" she ordered.

Once again, Fennekin covered itself in flames before charging at its foe, but Charmander dodged easily, the Flame Charge almost burning Sycamore's desk. Hitting Charmander wasn't Serena's goal, however.

"Now Scratch!" Sycamore ordered.

"Psybeam!"

This time, Fennekin moved out of the way with blistering speed and hit the Charmander with a surgically precise Psybeam attack, knocking the fire-type out.

As Sycamore withdrew the third Pokémon, the battle was over, but the professor wasn't sorry at all – even though his curtains were on fire, which Shauna tried to point out only to be ignored.

"_Trés bien_, Serena!" Sycamore praised and clapped. "You truly are a trainer worth the effort."

Just then, Calem, Tierno and Trevor stepped into the room.

"Wow, it's warm in here," Calem commented.

"Professor, are you aware that you're flaming?" Tierno asked.

"Constantly – can't help it, being as beautiful as I am," Sycamore said and ignored the smoldering tail of his lab coat. "Anyway, it's so good of you to arrive. I was just about to give you Pokémon again. You can choose out of the three I battled Serena with."

"You're giving us Pokémon I just knocked out?" Serena asked incredulously.

"Yeah," Sycamore laughed. "Ain't I a stinker? But as the winner of our battle, Serena gets to ch-"

"CHARMANDER!" Serena yelled.

Sycamore nodded and gave her Charmander's Poké Ball.

"Now, as for the rest, there's five of you and three Pokémon, so I'm assuming that, even though you're from Vaniville Town, you can count. Sooo... how are you gonna choose, rock-paper-scissors, or...?"

"Nah, I'mma stick with the team I have," Tierno said. "I saw those Pokémon when I last visited the lab and none of them had that _je ne sais quoi_ needed for my dance team."

Sycamore didn't appreciate the use of that expression and glowered at Tierno.

"Shut up, kid. You want some of this?" he asked in a low voice, cracking his knuckles.

"W... what?" Tierno wondered.

"Okay then, so Tierno won't be needing one," Sycamore said in a sudden cheerful voice, hands in his pockets, "and Trevor, I know you'll want to focus on the PokéDex and aren't too concerned about battling, so you'll let your friends have them instead, right?"

"Um, actually-"

"Perfect! Shauna, Calem, feel free to choose!"

"I don't even have to think about it!" Calem bragged and grabbed Bulbasaur's Poké Ball. "You'd have to be pretty dumb to have a team of nothing but the same type – _OW_!"

"Oh, sorry, Calem," Serena deadpanned. "I was so dumb that my big old foot crushed your toe. How 'bout that?"

Shauna pondered her choice carefully – even though Sycamore was only holding one more Poké Ball. After a long period of "hmm"ing and stroking her chin, Shauna finally grabbed Squirtle's Poké Ball.

"All right, you and I will be best friends !" she exclaimed.

"Perfect," Sycamore said. "Now I have another thing to give you..."

Sycamore handed Serena, Shauna and Calem box each, all boxes containing a perfectly spherical, crystalline jewel about the size of an orange, all colored differently. They also had a flame-shaped pattern circling inside them. Serena's was blue and black, Shauna's was cyan and pink and Calem's was white, blue and brown. They all took the boxes, but no one had an idea what they were, and Sycamore clearly enjoyed the dramatic effect.

"Now," he started, "I bet you're all wondering-"

"YES!" all three shouted at the same time.

Sycamore cleared his throat. "I want you to solve Kalos' greatest mystery, Mega Evolution! It has puzzled even the finest scientific minds."

"So, it will make our Pokémon even stronger?" Serena asked.

She could imagine it now. The sphere Sycamore had given suddenly glowing and sending a beam of light at Charmander, who, somehow gaining an ability to speak, would belt out '_Charmander, warp-evolve to... Mega Charizard_!', proceeding to save both this world and the digital one, proving the justice of our culture – now go and rest, our heroes!

"But, how does it work?" Shauna wondered, looking at her sphere from all different angles. "Do we make our Pokémon eat it? Do they have to carry it around all the time? Do we-"

"You don't want to know what some trainers have tried," Sycamore interrupted. "But yes, Mega Evolution will give your Pokémon a boost of strength during battle. So far, only a handful of people in this whole region have utilized it, and even they don't understand how it works, so I guess you're crud out of luck. My advice is to go to Camphrier Town, a place with a rich and vibrant history."

"Well, this trip at least wasn't all for nothing," Calem said. "I'm going to whip my Bulbasaur silly until it Mega Evolves! And then, Ser, you and me will have a match."

Serena shrugged. "Fine, but if my Pokémon eats yours, I won't be held accountable."

"Oh, it's good to see such an adventurous spirit in you youngsters!" Sycamore gushed. "I only have two more things for you to do: go out there and be the best trainers you can be. And number two: get the **** out of my lab!"

"What was that word again, I couldn't see it over the asterisks?" Shauna asked.

"It's better that way," Sycamore said.

"All right, my friends – and Calem," Serena said. "Go outside and wait for me there. I have one more thing to talk about with the professor."

The other four were happy to oblige and headed for the elevators. Sycamore seemed confused as to why Serena had stayed behind and glanced at her impatiently.

"Yes?" he asked while Serena just stood there, smiling devilishly. "I have a lot of work to-"

Serena withdrew Fennekin and let her Fletchinder out. Fletchling's evolution was bigger and fiercer as well as better, harder, faster and stronger than what it was before, but most importantly, it had evolved into the most glorious type of them all. No more of that Normal guff.

"I have one more question for you, Syccie," Serena said as Fletchinder flew on the professor shoulder and squeezed it with her talons. "I want to know about the legendary Pokémon that can grant immortality."

"What?" Sycamore wondered. "Get this bird off me, it's heavier than it looks! I don't know anything about _OWW MY BEAUTIFUL SHOULDER_!"

Sycamore wailed as Fletchinder squeezed even harder, the force of its grip causing Sycamore to almost double over.

"Okay, okay, I do know something about it, _please_!"

Serena nodded at Fletchinder who stopped squeezing, but stayed perched on the professor. Catching his breath, he guided Serena behind his desk. There, he grabbed a document from his drawer and gave it to Serena.

"But we only have theories – I should have never been stupid enough to blabber about it," Sycamore sighed. "According to both myths and scientific research conducted over a hundred years ago, there is a Pokémon in Kalos capable of creating life – plant life, mainly – on its own."

"So?" Serena asked. "_I_ can do that, though that would mean not showering for a few months-"

"No, nothing like that," Sycamore interrupted in disgust. "It can create entire forests at will. Legends say that its life is cyclical, and it releases all of its life energy into all living things around it, then transforms into a tree to sleep for a millennium."

"_Iiii~hiiinteresting_," Serena murmured as she browsed at the file. "What is it called?"

"As a scientist, I don't take these ancient writings as the absolute truth, so I prefer to just call it, if it even exists, the 'Life Pokémon'," Sycamore explained. "But scriptures call it 'Xerneas'. I'm afraid there's not much there, no one has seen it as far as I know so there are no estimates about its appearance, size, habitat or even type-"

"This'll work," Serena smirked. "Thank you, professor. With this, immortality is at my grasp."

"Dang, girl, you messed up," Sycamore panted, and after a pause, added: "I like it. Here, if you visit Grace again, take her this letter."

Sycamore gave another cologne-scented envelope to Serena, who looked at it curiously.

"Is it okay for me to read it?" Serena asked.

"Well... how old were you again?"

"Seventeen."

"Then no."

Serena shuddered and quickly put the envelope away.

Outside the lab, the rest of the group looked at Serena expectantly. Making sure everyone's attentions, especially Shauna's, were directed at her, Serena started speaking:

"Loyal followers!" Serena said. "I have managed to make the professor into an ally – I think. With him, we can influence the young minds of this generation!"

"For the all the good that will do," Trevor grumbled.

"He has given us a lead regarding the Pokémon that can make me – whoops, I mean us... no, wait, I take that back, I mean _me_ – immortal!"

"Yay !" Shauna exclaimed.

"Yay indeed," Serena said. "Now, for stage two of our operation. I planned this last night, and though there aren't many places in this great city of lights that we can't get into, my plan hinges on the building right next to us."

"The PR Video studio?" Tierno wondered. "What are you looking from there?"

"Allow me to demonstrate!

But before they could leave, someone coughed as he approached the group. It was a very tall man with a bush of spiky orange hair that would make Unova's ex-Champion Alder go mad with envy, along with a neat, well-trimmed beard and a snazzy coat with a fur collar. Calem gasped at the sight of him, though Serena had no idea who it was.

"Hello," the man said in a deep, quiet voice. "I was heading to the lab to meet my old friend Sycamore – now there's a man to _die_ for – and the five special teenagers who got PokéDexes from him. Such adorable young people indeed – I could just _throttle_ all of you... with my love."

"Um," Serena said.

"Divine Dialga!" Calem exclaimed. "That's Lysander, CEO of Lysander Labs!"

"_**LYSANDRE**_!" the man roared and suddenly went back to being blank-faced again. "You must get it right – you must. Your life depends on it. Yes. I am the head of Lysandre Labs, building a better world for tomorrow. You, my dear children, are the chosen ones. Are you using the Holo Casters? Please tell me you're using the Holo Casters."

"Oh, yeah, everyone in Kalos uses these!" Tierno said and showed off his own. "Great for communication!"

"Yes," Lysandre said. "Knowledge is power, yes. Power corrupts, yes, but not me, for I am Lysandre."

"Okay..." Serena said. "Did you-"

"What?" Lysandre asked.

"Did you want-"

"What? What is it that you want to ask?"

"I just wanted to-"

"If you didn't want to say anything, then just... _shh_," Lysandre said quietly. "Professor Sycamore has taught a lot to me, too, yes. You, as Pokémon trainers, must work tirelessly to create a new and better world. A beautiful world, yes. That is what I desire. Did I tell you what I desire?"

"Yes," Serena said flatly. "A beautiful world."

"A beautiful world," Lysandre repeated.

"What kind of world?" Shauna asked. "Sorry, I wasn't listening. Wow, my new Squirtle can use Water Gun, you guys, this is awesome!"

Lysandre suddenly walked close to the group.

"Killallthefilth" he whispered.

"What?" Serena asked.

"Oh, nothing," Lysandre said and stepped back. "Now, I must go. My corporation needs me. A beautiful world... immortality, yes... mm."

And with that, the strange man walked away.

"Wow!" Calem said. "I can't believe we got to meet Lewsandre! He seemed like a great guy!"

"I dunno," Serena said. "Call me suspicious, but there's _something_ fishy about that dude."

"Oh, Serena, you and your paranoia!" Shauna chastised. "When has a corporate executive ever done anything evil? Now tell us what you were going to do!"

"Better yet," Serena said, "I'll show you what I'll do!"

**~o~O~o~**

_**Location: PR Video Studio, Lumiose City, Kalos**_

After Serena had finished talking to the clerk, she ran over to the other four to tell them her plan, the others having finished reading the papers Serena had given them.

"All right, me and Mr. receptionist there made a deal!" Serena announced perkily. "I won't burn down his house and he'll not only let us shoot our film here, but he'll send the finished product to the Holo Casters of every trainer in the city. From there, I hope it'll spread all over to the rest of the region."

"I've always dreamed of shooting a PR video !" Shauna squeed, hands clasped together as he admired the interiors of the studio. "Can I do it, Serena, please~?"

"On your own time, sure, whatever, but _first _I want all of you to appear in _my_ video!"

"Dare I ask why?" Tierno inquired.

"What do you think I can do with just the four of you and your Pokémon who probably aren't even up to level twenty yet?" Serena asked. "I need more followers to my cause! I need people to support me during the initial rough years when I rise to power – that is why I need the PR Video, and I've given you all integral parts to play. I'll direct!"

"I hope you'll do something about this dialogue, first," Trevor grumbled.

"Yeah, Serena, about this whole 'taking over the Kalos region' thing," Tierno started. "I admit that our current leadership could be better, but-"

"Oh, Tierno, don't be like that!" Calem said and jabbed his friend in the arm. "We promised to be by Serena's side, and it's all in good fun, right?"

"Fun must be earned," Serena said. "Act or act while on fire, your choice. You'll even get to dance!"

"Well, then sign me in!" Tierno said excitedly. "You haven't marked all the roles in this script, though – like, who is 'the host'?"

"It has to be someone presentable," Serena said. "Though I have a pretty good idea already. After all, who's the most attractive out of us all?"

"Aww, yeah," Calem exclaimed.

"Trevor, naturally," Serena said and pointed at the small boy.

"Awwwhhaaatyousay?!" Calem shouted.

"M-me?" Trevor wondered. "B-but, I'm fine with a background part. I can be a prop. I can't be in the center of the stage! And besides, these fools will never take my plans of subjugating them all under _my_ regime seriously if I appear too invested in _your_ foolish movie, Unovan!"

"Fine, you have stage fright," Serena sighed. "Guess I'll direct _and_ host."

"Ooh, we get to wear costumes as well," Calem said as the clerk wheeled a selection of different outfits for the group in. "So, what are you gonna put on, Ser? I think I see a fluffy pink miniskirt and Fennekin ears and a tail with your name on it~"

"How degrading," Serena grumbled. "I'll just keep these clothes on – I have my dignity. Ooh, but I'll have the ears and tail, so cute! Still, that skirt looks pretty cool, so I'm sure we'll have use for it..."

"Oh," Calem said. "Wait..."

"Lights, camera, action, let's roll!" Serena yelled.

**~o~O~o~**

"_**Firefox Productions Present,**_

_**a Serena film**_

_**Written by Serena**_

_**Produced by Serena, Fennekin, Fletchinder, Charmander and flammable materials everywhere**_

_**SERENA – THE (ONLY) HOPE OF KALOS**_

_**© Serena and company 2XXX All rights reserved. Pirates will be incinerated.**_"

Wearing a pink tutu, Tierno skipped happily on an unrealistic grassy knoll.

"La-la-la~" Tierno sang. "I'm so happy to be an artistically talented young man in Kalos!"

However, his joyous skipping came short when a person and a Pokémon in uniform stopped his advance – Shauna and her Chespin, both wearing thick fake mustaches.

"Stop right there, criminal scum!" Shauna said in a deep voice. "You are arrested on the grounds, of, uh... expressing your artistic talents. Yes. Away with you!"

"Woe is me!" Tierno moaned. "If only there was someone who could help!"

Suddenly, Serena and her perfectly groomed Fennekin wearing a pink bow stepped in, Serena wearing her normal clothes except with Fennekin ears and a tail slapped in for no discernible reason other than the 'kawaii factor'.

"Are you tired of this happening to you?" Serena asked the audience. "Fear not, artistically talented Pokémon trainers! Under my regime, artistic freedom will never be suppressed, and reviewers and critics will not be tolerated – _under penalty of torture_. So pick me, Serena, as your leader. Do not fear: you will not have to vote for me in a democratic election. Simply be there by my side when me and my Pokémon crush all resistance. We'll see what else my glorious future has in store for you..."

The scenery suddenly switched to an obviously painted backdrop of a quiet village. Wearing an oversized lab coat, Trevor gave a Poké Ball to Calem, who wore only a pink miniskirt, a tiny pink tube top and a pink ribbon on top of his hair.

"Before I give you this Pokémon – are you a boy or are you a girl?" Trevor asked in a professor-y voice.

"If only professors wouldn't ask me that every time!" Calem sighed theatrically. "I'm a girl!"

"Well, you're ready to begin your adventures in the world of Pokémon!" Trevor said, putting all his effort in his dramatic reading. "Be sure to wear this outfit at all times. _Trevoristhebest_!"

"And doesn't this just grind everyone's Klinklangs?" Serena asked when she and Fennekin stepped in again. "Senile professors not fit to do their jobs and female Pokémon trainers forced to wear skimpy outfits – it's a plague in our great nation! Together, we will introduce the greatness that is Kalosian fashion all over the world and will impose _my_ rule on these pretentious Pokémon professors!"

Suddenly, the scene switched to a dramatic closeup of Serena's face, Serena holding Fennekin in her arms so she would show up on camera, too.

"_But beware_!" Serena said dramatically. "Opposition lurks at every corner!"

Suddenly, the scene switched to a seedy city backdrop, Shauna wearing a burlap sack and threatened by Calem dressed in a trench coat similar to Looker's. Shauna was on her knees while Calem stood over her and laughed evilly.

"Oh no!" Shauna exclaimed. "I'm only a poor orphan from the streets of Lumiose and I'm being harassed by the corrupt and bad-smelling detective Looker!"

"Ha-ha-ha!" laughed Calem. "Yes, I truly am harassing this orphan and I am _indeed_ detective Looker, known for my corruption and odor! Um, boo, grr, all that!"

"_Non_!" Shauna wailed. "I wish there was someone to help us orphans, but no one cares about poorest me, especially not our current freely elected leaders and our Champion... uh... line?"

"_Diantha_," Serena whispered.

"Yeah, her!" Shauna said. "Oh, fiddlesticks!"

"Stick in the script," Calem muttered.

The scene switched to Serena again, this time against a backdrop of cute hearts and dazzling stars, Fennekin still in her arms.

"Under my rule, the Champion and leader will be the same person – me!" Serena proclaimed. "And there will be no orphans, inequality, sadness, boring TV shows, smelly people and people with poor fashion sense in our fair land – this, I promise! The immortal ruler of Kalos is at your side!"

Trevor suddenly popped his head into the shot.

"Look out for Trevor, _he's_ gonna take over, not this one!" he managed to yell out before Serena pushed him away.

"And remember," Serena said and held Fennekin with one hand while aiming a prop gun at her head with the other. "If you betray me, this _adorable_ Fennekin gets it! So when the time comes and I emerge victorious over those who dare oppose me, join my legion, and remember the name..."

Calem, Shauna, Tierno and Trevor all appeared into the shot next to Serena, Trevor doing his part rather flatly.

"SERENA!" they all yelled out at once.

"_**Fin.**_

_**No Pokémon were hurt in the making of this film except for Shauna's Bunnelby who was almost burned by Serena for making a mess on the floor.**_**"**

**~o~O~o~**

Standing outside the PR Studio, confident that her video would be on everyone's lips by tomorrow (assuming Serena hadn't burned them off), Serena took a deep breath. She then kissed her Fennekin on the head, promising that she would never hold a real gun to its head. The others seemed to have enjoyed their parts as well. Bitten by the acting bug, Shauna had stayed behind to film her own PR Video while Tierno and Trevor had headed to the Pokémon Center to get some supplies. Everyone had agreed to meet at the hotel at eight PM. This left Serena with Calem, but even he seemed distracted and more serious than usual.

"Serena," he said. "I gotta go run an errand – I have a friend who lives in Lumiose and I'd like to pay him a quick visit."

"Visit granted," Serena said. "Take you time – _please_."

"But I'd like to ask you a favor," Calem said quietly. "Meet me at Café Soleil at seven-thirty, _before_ meeting with the others. Deal?"

"Is this important?"

"Kinda... just get there, okay? Gottago, bye!"

Serena watched Calem go, then turned to watch at the orange sky, the sun about to set for the day. Her dream had just taken a huge leap forward, and though the revelation that her enemy was in the region had shaken her, it had an exciting side to it, too. If anything, Serena looked forward to what he would do.

_All right, Looker – make your move_.

**~o~O~o~**

_**Location: Looker Bureau, shady side of Lumiose City, Kalos  
An hour later**_

Inside Looker's office, the detective's most trusted men were unpacking the last crate full of magnifying glasses and deerstalker hats. Looker had finally settled into his new base of operations in Lumiose City, and was now relaxing in his chair and reading the personnel file of his latest recruit – who happened to stand right in front of him and wait for Looker's final word.

"This is an unexpected move," Looker remarked, "but an interesting one, too. I had no idea about the condition of this region. Now I already have to deal with a street gang causing trouble here in Lumiose, some gang of poorly dressed ponces up to mischief in Geosenge Town and, to top it all off, the Serena case. This new video of hers was pretty outrageous, I dare say. I don't smell, do I? No, wait, better you don't answer. As soon as you contacted me, we did a background check, and while you don't seem too experienced, everything else points to you being a guy we need. Oh, damn it, I'm rambling again. What are your thoughts on this?" he asked the recruit and put the file on the desk.

Calem, standing in attention before Looker, finally relaxed a bit and smiled at the detective.

"Like I said, detective," Calem said, "I'll help you with the Serena case – and nothing more."

"Cheeky little thing – I like you," Looker said and started sucking on a lollipop he grabbed from a jar on his desk. "I was about to put an APB on her – I even warned Iris about her before she ran off to do her duties. And yet you're telling me not to do that...?"

"I have a better plan in mind," Calem bragged. "After all, she hasn't done anything _too _illegal or irrevocable yet, and if given the right nudge, can even be useful to us. Besides, this is more personal revenge on your side, isn't it?"

Looker shrugged nonchalantly while dangling the lollipop in his hand. "It might be," he said. "But I want to make sure she suffers the ultimate price."

"Exactly," Calem said. "Which I why we wait to make the right move. Go for the long-term plan. Just leave her to me, detective Looker."

"Try not to call me that on a regular basis," Looker pointed out. "The world's greatest detective needs a code name for his code name, after all. How about... Ryuzaki?"

"That's going to annoy people," Calem pointed out.

"I thought it was cool," Looker muttered awkwardly. "All right, we'll try 'Handsome'."

"So whenever I greet you, I have to say 'hi, Handsome'?"

Looker grinned. "One of the perks of this job. You don't have to take it, you know."

"I will," Calem promised. "Even if she's not exactly subtle, she has something else going on, and the first thing we'll do is trick her to spill the beans. That's why I hope to see you at Café Soleil at seven-thirty... Handsome."

* * *

**_A/N: A-ha, so as you can see, we here at Heroes of Kalos Abridged aren't just about lame jokes and exaggerated characterization - we have a plot, too! I hope you enjoy this and that it didn't come across as too rushed. Chapter four will be up much sooner. Thanks to ALL who have read, reviewed, favorited or followed the story - you keep this going, and all feedback, positive or negative, is greatly appreciated, but not mandatory. Just... thank you so much._**


End file.
